over a cup of coffee

New stories are already rolling!

2011-04-18T12:46:00.003-06:00

I'm already rolling new stories out on the new blog... come check it out!
www.rungaitis.blogspot.com

Here's a snippet: Life's not looking so good today and tomorrow's not looking any better. Not only is there no fruit, there's not even a bud to give me hope that fruit will come soon. There's nothing in the barn and so how can I even hope that there will be more! It's all gone and I have nothing left to give

Goodbye jamieeng.blogspot...

2011-04-01T12:43:00.000-06:00

Timing is everything isn't it? A good thing can quickly take a turn for the worse if done too quickly or held back to long. So I'm wondering if its just about time...

So what, you might be asking is it time for now? I think it might just be time to end this era of jamieeng.blogspot.com and time to start Steven and I's story together,rungaitis.blogspot.com
It actually makes me a bit sad to end my stories of my single life. As I have written here, I have wept over people's pain, laughed at my own blunders, and marveled at God's grace in my life.

Thank you for traveling with me on this 3 year adventure... but as they say, the best is yet to come... I would love you to follow our new blog
www.rungaitis.blogspot.com
Are you coming?

Sixty Characters or Less

2011-03-23T12:51:00.002-06:00

A tombstone can only hold so much. It cannot tell your story or show pictures of your family. It does not show your bank account or your list of accomplishments. It is sixty characters, spaces included.
My grammee's ashes are being buried of Friday and my Aunt asked me to help her come up with these sixty small characters to embody the life of my beloved grandmother.
I thought back to when my brother and I went through my grandmother's things. We found all sorts of stuff that lead to much laughter and some tears. Jeremy opened one drawer to find about 500 of those little sample perfume papers. We erupted in laughter talking about Gramma's obsession with perfume, especially Elizabeth Taylor. Today, someone told me that Elizabeth Taylor died at the age of 79. I was reading a little excerpt of her life and was shocked to hear that she'd been married 8 times (Though, to her credit, she was married to the same man twice... so I guess that would only mean 7 husbands!) She'd also been in tons of movies, received an Academy Award and, of course had her own line of perfume. As I pondered those 60 characters and what Elizabeth Taylor's tombstone might read, I realized after death, it matters very little WHO you were and more WHOSE you were.
My grammee had a little plaque that she loved. She had it with her when she went into the hospital and my grandfather wanted to make sure that it came back to the house after she had gone. It said: The Lord is my Shepherd. My grammee belonged to Jesus. She gave until she had nothing left, she loved until her dying breath, she served and was broken for those in need.
A tombstone can only hold so much, but I believe these sixty characters give tribute to a woman who changed the world because she changed us. She loved us deeply and followed the Lord passionately.

Beloved wife, mother and grammee
"The Lord is my Shepherd"

Answers come in all shapes and sizes...

2011-03-20T18:23:00.000-06:00

Ever since I was a child, little things have intrigued me. When my Gramma would take me into the store and tell my brother and I to pick out a toy, my brother would head straight for the GI Joes, which he would later blow up or shoot off the fence. I, on the other hand would find a very small pad of paper or a little ball and hand it to my Gramma as if it were the most prized treasure in the store.

My brother still laughs when he tells people how he would trick me out of my candy bars. My Grandpa would give us each a snickers. Jeremy would proceed to inhale three-fourths of his before I ever opened mine. Then, being the tricky older brother that he was, he would say, "Jamie, I'll trade you my little candy bar for your BIG candy bar." I, liking little things would quickly trade him believing that I got the better end of the deal.
As I have gotten older, God has taught me that he likes to answer even my little things. When Steven and I moved into our apartment several months ago, we had neither table nor couch. We began to pray for God's provision and a month ago, someone GAVE us a table and this week we found a couch on Craig's List... the only catch: the lady said that she had some other offers, but would give it to us at a great price if we picked it up within the hour. Well, they live in Richardson and we live in Uptown, a solid 40 minute drive on a good day. It was 5:30 on a Wednesday afternoon going north through rush hour traffic, good luck getting there getting there on time! But we took off anyway. Me, praying the whole way that it would be our couch. :) We arrived in record time to be met by a sweet family and the couch was perfect! I thanked her profusely and told her that she was an answer to my prayer. Her face lit up as she told me the story of the couch. She had put it on Craig's List a while ago and had a few bites but no one come through on it. So, she prayed that God would bring just the right people to buy the couch. At the same time we were praying for just the right couch. God answered her small prayer and my small prayer in the same couch.
Some people will hear this story and just hear a silly little story. I look at it blessed by an amazing God who also likes small things.

Saying Goodbye...

2011-03-10T17:12:00.000-07:00

I received that dreaded phone call on Thursday afternoon that she was going quick. An hour and a half later, Steven and I were in the car headed to San Antonio. That was the longest drive of my life. Stories and memories flooded my mind of shopping trips and fun times. It finally fell on the last time I’d seen her.

Those two days we spent together were full of laughter and stories. We went on walks throughout the center and enjoyed reminiscing the days gone by. Her only requests were cream filled donuts and chicken feet, two of her favorite foods. As I left that Sunday, I had no idea what I was really saying goodbye to. I thought I was saying goodbye until next time, I didn’t know that that would be the last time I’d hear her sweet voice say, “Goodbye little Jamie… I love you. Come see me again soon.”
Tears filled my eyes on that ride to San Antonio as I recounted my grammee’s little quirks to Steven. He just smiled and offered his shoulder as I wept into his shirt. Hearing my dad cry on the phone might possibly been the thing that hurt the most. My dad is the head of his family… he is the strength, the pillar, but to hear him cry because he may never see his mom again made me a blubbering mess.
About 2 hours outside of the city, my sister called and asked me if I wanted to say goodbye over the phone just in case she didn’t make it. I didn’t understand how an infection could ravage her body so quickly, but by the time I said hello, she could only listen and not speak. What do you say to the woman who has loved you, held you, encouraged you and prayed for you every day for 28 years? Through broken words and slight sobs I said goodbye to my grammee. I told her that I was on my way, but that if she needed to go home and be with Jesus, I understood.
Steven continued to drive at a rather rapid pace and I prayed that I would get there in time. As we pulled up to the hospital doors, I jumped out to be met by my mom… I had made it, she was still with us. I walked into her room to see a woman I didn’t recognize. Her face was taut and her eyes were wide. This was not the plump faced, jolly woman that I had spent the majority of my childhood with, but she was still my grammee.
I drew my hand to her face and got real close to her and said, “I’m here Grammee.” Tears began to stream down my face as I told her over and over how much I loved her. She had waited for me. I was finally there and she had held out for me to get there. I choked back sobs as my sister, mom and I sang her favorite songs and kissed her face.
Finally, I whispered in her ear, “Its ok Grammee… you can go home now. We’ll see you soon.” They gave her morphine to make her comfortable and she slowly closed her eyes. We continued to sing and love on her for the next hour or so.
Her breathing slowed to 8 breaths per minute. Each breath was labored and seemed to take all that was in her just to push the air out of her lungs and pull it back in. And then she was gone. No dramatic exit. She just stopped breathing and slipped quietly into the arms of our Savior.
We cried, but she wasn’t. We wept, but she smiled as her eyes were changed and she saw the face of our Savior. I wondered out loud if she was immediately walking through the heavenly gates or if she stood next to us , comforting us, reminding us that she was no longer in pain. My heart broke, not for her, but for me. Never again would I get to hear her little voice say into the phone, “Hi little Jamie.” Never again would we laugh and tell stories. Never again would we shop and eat until we were sick. At least not on this earth. I smiled through my tears as I pictured my grammee in the arms of Jesus with no pain… running, jumping, dancing. That’s how I will remember my grammee. She is not the old woman in the bed but the young woman living death to its fullest in the arms of her Savior. Goodbye little Grammee. I love you. I’ll come see you soon.

The sweetness that comes with time

2011-02-28T10:53:00.001-07:00

As he walked through the door with his best friend by his side, a uncontrollable smile came over him. Excitement seemed to swell with each passing second and with each friend who graced the doors of the chapel. The doors were flung open and the harpist's music changed as her beautiful smile and bouncing curls came into view. There is something magical about the way a groom looks at his bride on that day. He holds her soft hands and looks deep into her eyes and proclaims his undying and unchanging love.
But it will change. Love gets put through the ringer after that first day. It begins with all smiles and laughter, but that first fight brings tears and hurt feelings. Love grows, love changes... it deepens and expands far beyond anything you can imagine.
I've only been married for 2 months and know so very little about what it means to be faithful until "death do us part." But one thing I do know, my love is not the same. Even in the short 70 days we have been one, I can say I love him more today than I did on December 18th.
But there is a sweetness that only comes with time.
This weekend I saw the beginning of a new life together through the sparkling eyes of our friends Richard and Tania.
This weekend I also got news of my grandmother. She has been taken to ICU because of an infection in her body that has gotten into her bloodstream. Last time I went to visit her, she told me that my grandfather was a gem for taking care of her for so many years. My grandparents first met when my grandfather saw a picture of my grandma in the newspaper wearing a kimono (she was the only asian on the Univerity of the Incarnate Word campus to "show off" this newly acquired piece). My grandfather was so smitten by her beauty that he said to himself, I need to meet her! That was the beginning of their relationship that has lasted over 50 years.

As I looked at this picture my dad sent me of my grandpee praying over my grammee, I was brought to tears. This is a picture of faithfulness. I wonder what it'll be like on the day that I look in the mirror and wonder who the old lady staring back is. I wonder what we will have seen in the 50+ years we walk together. I wonder about the day that Steven takes my shriveled, wrinkled hand in his to pray for me. I can guarantee you that the love my grandma has for my grandpa is not the same as the day they said I do... now he takes her wrinkled hands in his, looks deep in her eyes and his prayers mean so much more than "till death do us part" could ever truly say.

Oh first Valentine's, how I will never forget you...

2011-02-17T08:23:00.000-07:00

No matter how hard we girls try to get it in our heads that things are never like the movies or even as perfect as they might be in our heads, we still have it made up in our minds that it WILL be a certain way... which is what I thought about our very first Valentine's together. Seriously, God laughs at my well set plans, I'm not kidding. So here's how it went:
I was gone last weekend to help my grandmother, so when I got home after 10 hours in a car over the span of 2 days, I was pretty tired. My sweet husband bought me a dozen roses and a funny card (my favorite!), which made my day wonderful and made my hopes of the perfect Valetines that much greater!
My plan was to make Steven's favorite food: homemade pizza (with his mom's awesome crust recipe!). So, I made the crust the night before and was so excited for the perfect Valetine's dinner.
When I got home, I realized, for some reason the crust had not risen... not at all. But I thought I could still make it work... nope. It just fell apart. Steven, being the amazing husband he is asked if we needed to call out for pizza and in my distress, I almost cried. Steven took the crust from me and SOMEHOW managed to roll it out and keep it together, so I thought our perfect Valentine's was saved, until I turned on the oven. For some reason, our pizza stone started to sweat and that created smoke and that began to pour out of our oven and fill our house! And before we knew what was going on, the fire alarm started screaming. As Steven was grabbing a chair and a magazine to fan the fire alarm, I threw open doors to let out the smoke. By this time it had moved from depressing to hysterical. Over the sound of the wailing alarm, Steven says to me, "Happy Valentine's Day!"
Next Steven wanted to suprise me with chocolate covered strawberries, but since we didn't have wax paper, we thought aluminum foil would work just as well... it didn't. Half the chocolate stayed on the plate. Once we finally had the pizza ready to go, we realized that getting it off the counter and onto the pizza stone was going to be a task. It began to split down the middle and ended up quite the mess on the stone. But, believe it or not, the pizza was edible, we still ate the half-chocolate covered strawberries, we laughed a lot and had a great time.
One thing is for sure, we definitely won't forget our first Valentine's Day together!

City Life...

2011-02-08T10:04:00.000-07:00

Two weeks ago we moved from the suburbs of Dallas to Uptown. At first, I wasn't really sure what to expect. Would people be nice? Open? Closed? Suspicious? Our questions were quickly answered by our neighbor above us who greated us warmly as we were bringing in our furniture. Friendship has begun to grow as Steven helped them move a table and they gave us a lamp!
I thought to myself I think we are city-type people.
I was blown away when we were in Bed Bath and Beyond and Steven stopped a saleswoman to ask her directions to the nearest Home Depot. She was already helping a very well-dressed woman and I was expecting the woman to be irritated by the interruption, but instead she added that there was one closer and gave us directions! We are definitely NOT in Plano anymore!
Steven and I are friendly types who like to meet people, but we have never met so many people who are interested in meeting US. Just last night I met our next door neighbors who approached me as I was putting things in the storage closet outside. They introduced themselves with smiles and nice to meet yous. I could get used to this.
While we were in Colorado in December, Pastor Murphy challenged the congregation to pray for 2 people for a month and see what the Lord would do. One of Steven and I's people were our neighbors. We were disappointed at our old apartment complex because during the entire month of January, we only saw our neighbors once. But we continued to pray... and I think the Lord is answering our prayers by giving us new neighbors to minister to!
Be sure to stay tuned... I have a feeling that over the next year, we are going to have some wild and crazy city stories to tell!

It's my RIGHT... or is it?

2011-02-04T12:06:00.001-07:00

Over the past several weeks, we have come up against some resistance in our apartment experience. It all started with a phone call made from our new apartment to Steven saying that our old apartment complex wouldn't release our information because we hadn't give our notice to vacate. When Steven called me to relay this information, I took it graciously. Oh wait, that was the "loving patient Jamie" that doesn't come out in situations like this. Instead, I flipped out and started telling Steven all the ways that this was NOT possible. He, of course understood my point, but it didn't change the manager's mind.
It took me the 40 minute drive home to cool down to the place that I wouldn't completely let the manager of our complex have it. I wish I could say that this was a moment where I trusted the Lord and said, "Its in your hands." But instead I told Him all the reasons that this couldn't be happening and how UNFAIR it was and how it was my RIGHT for it to turn out the way I wanted.
As we walked into the office, I tried to compose myself as I told the manager that I had informed one of the other ladies that worked there in DECEMBER. What I had never heard before was this: every apartment in the state of Texas requires a 60 day WRITTEN notice. An anger and resentment flooded my mind: What are we going to do now??
Over the next week, the manager graciously came up with some solutions, but it was all dependent on someone renting out our old apartment. After the anger subsided, I realized that I was not in control and that I really had no choice but to either trust the Lord or lose my mind worrying. I decided trust was the better answer. About half way through the week, the Lord changed my heart from being irritated at the management to love. Steven challenged me to pray, not only for the situation but for the manager. So we began to pray that God would bless them and make them prosper. And you know what? It didn't change our situation one bit. We are still currently paying for 2 apartments praying that someone will rent out our old apartment. Do you know what it did change? Me.
Steven is taking a class on Jonah this semester, so I thought that, being a good seminary wife, I too would read Jonah. As I got to chapter 4, I was stuck by God's response to Jonah's anger: "Have you any right?" Later God "provides" a vine to grow to ease Jonah's discomfort and then "provides" a worm to eat the plant and make it die. And guess what? Jonah's mad again. So again God says to him: "Do you have a right to be angry about the vine?" And Jonah's response? Angry enough to DIE.
God taught me a few things through this passage... he PROVIDES to bring me comfort but also to open my eyes to MY SIN. I deserve NOTHING. I have no rights. Anything he gives me that's good, is only out of his grace. Anything he provides for me that hurts is for my growth. Was Jonah sent to Ninevah to change the Ninevites or to change Jonah? Or to change me...

My Grammee...

2011-01-20T10:58:00.002-07:00

There is something about a hospital bed that brings things into perspective. This tiny frail woman laying with eyes closed and head back was not always like this. We used to race down the mall corridors and see who could eat the fastest. We would see 2 or 3 dollar movies in one sitting and eat so much we couldn't move. Her smile would cause her already small eyes to disappear as we would laugh at something silly. We missed more than one exit because we were lost in conversation. She prayed for me, spoke God's Words of truth into my life and was my confidant when I trusted no one.
This is my Grammee.

But this weekend when I went to visit, I realized that things really have changed. Getting up isn't quite as easy as it used to be, walking takes just that much more effort, and the desire for the richest foods has all but disappeared.
I tried to be strong as the EMTs came to scoop her up on Saturday. I held her hand and gave her a reassuring smile as we sat in the ambulance. I interrogated the doctors on what might be wrong and made sure they didn't give her anything she can't have. I played the role of responsible granddaughter for the whole weekend... Until I got home and landed in a puddle of tears in Steven's arms.
This is the grandmother who has taken care of me my whole life. She changed my diapers, washed my face, and held me as I cried. Now I guess its my turn to return the favor.

Let the little children come to me...

2011-01-13T08:26:00.003-07:00

Today I got to be a part of something beautiful. A woman came to my window at school and said that she was looking for someone. This story unfolded before my eyes: she is a truck driver who was driving through Dallas and doing her laundry at a local laundry mat here in West Dallas. While she was there, she got into a conversation about God with the owner. The message was not well received, but after he walked away a little girl leaned over to her and said, "What you said was true." When the lady asked how she knew that, the little girl explained that she went to a Christian school and knew what the Bible said was true. The lady asked if she could get the little girl something, fully expecting the little girl to say candy or a coke, but instead she said, "I want a Bible." The lady said that the first thing she thought of was Solomon's petition of God for wisdom instead of money and power.
The lady did not get the little girl's name but bought her a bible and a devotional and was going around to the different school in West Dallas looking for a Christian school. Since we are the only Christian school in West Dallas, she came knocking on our door.
Due to the amazing knowledge of our parent liaison and registrar, Mrs. Howard, we were able to pin point which one of our precious kids it was. Here's the interesting thing: this is a child who gets in trouble quite often and at times doesn't act like she is listening. But she was listening; enough to speak the truth when others wouldn't.
Children listen and absorb much more of the truth than I think we give them credit for. I was brought to tears as I looked on this little 7-year-old kid who spoke truth when she could have kept quiet. There are so many reasons that Jesus said: Let the little children come to me. One of the biggest ones was to teach the "growups" how to have child-like faith. Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these.

Do you SEE?

2011-01-11T12:44:00.002-07:00

Hurt, pain, tears, blood, suffering... do you not see?
One of the number one things that people have against God is this: If this God of yours is so loving, why would he allow this to happen? "This" could be anything from a car wreck to cancer to the death of a loved one to the brutality of humanity.
Several days ago, I was reading Mark 2 where the leper asks Jesus to heal him and the Word says: He had compassion on the man. Jesus could have healed this tortured soul because it was "right" or because others were watching... but instead, he was MOVED by the pain of that man. How often do we question that in our own minds whether or not the God of the universe sees us?
On Sunday, I heard a sermon about the book of Habakkuk. In the first 5 verses, Habakkuk just cries out, “REALLY??” As he cried out, my soul cried out too. During worship that night, I stood before my God broken. A hundred names came to my mind, faces flashed through my memory… people who had lost children, were in constant pain, or suffered for no reason at all. I began to weep uncontrollably as my mind switched to stories I didn’t know personally: kids in my school who grow up without parents to love them, homeless on the streets, prostitutes in Thailand. Do you SEE?! How long oh Lord? I began to cry out to the Lord that he would do something, that he would allow me to do something. And you know what, he did. He opened my eyes to see.
About once a year, I need to reminded to see people; their hurts, their fears, the reality of who they really are.Yesterday I was moved by Jesus’ emotions when I read Mark 3. The Pharisees were trying to trap him when they saw a man with a crippled hand in the Synagogue… will he heal or not? It says: “He looked at them with anger, grieved by their hardness of heart…”
He was anger at their unwillingness to help and grieved because they missed the point. PEOPLE.
Why did Jesus come? To save PEOPLE.
What does he call us to? To love PEOPLE.
The next time you’re tempted to look away when you see someone begging on the side of the street or you want to dismiss a co-worker who answers “good” when you know that’s the furthest thing from the truth, risk it all and look deep in their eyes… just enough to SEE… like Jesus does.

New Adventure here we come!

2011-01-07T06:58:00.005-07:00

I had every intention of writing something inspirational on the day of my wedding to finish off my 30 days, but it just didn't happen. So here's what you missed:
I married my best friend and the love of my life.
As I prepared to walked down the aisle to the rest of my life, the tears crept into the corners of my eyes. I was being passed from the man who had been my strength and support since day one of my life to the man I would be one with from this day forward. I could barely contain myself as Ashley sang, "When we arrive at eternity's shores, where death is just a memory and tears are no more. We'll enter in as the wedding bells ring, your bride will come together and we'll sing, You're beautiful."
I was blessed to have my daddy not only give me away but give us a great charge. He reminded us that we are going to have to be learners of one another even after so many years of knowing each other.
It was awesome to be able to all worship together we sang together, "And heaven meets earth like an unforseen kiss and my heart turns violently inside of my chest. I don't have time to maintain these regrets when I think about the way He loves us!"
As Steven served me through communion, my sister blessed us with a song that she wrote: "Baby will you hold my hand, baby will you be my best friend and lead me? I wanna be your wife. I want to show the world Christ. I want to let you be with me... as we serve the One true King." If you can't tell, the music was my favorite part of the ceremony!
Through the exchange of rings and the pronouncement of man and wife, my heart fluttered in my chest. It was official, I was his and he was mine. The reception and saying hi to all the people we love was a blur, but wonderful!
The wedding went off without a hitch. It was everything I ever hoped it would be... none of it would have happened without the support of great friends and family who helped decorate, put together food, and make sure everything ran smoothly. So if that was you, THANK YOU!
After that we made our way to Cancun for our honeymoon and Colorado for Christmas. We made it back to dallas before the New Year and have since started work and about to start school. We are loving being married and excited about all the great things the Lord has for us!
Our main goal in our wedding was to give glory to God. We pray that you saw Jesus in our wedding from start to finish. Thanks for journeying with us... here's to the next adventure called MARRIAGE!

Day 2: Thump Thump Thump...

2010-12-16T08:44:00.002-07:00

Thump thump, thump thump… the sound of my heart. My world starts to spin as I feel unable to suck enough air into my lungs. I fell first for your good looks and then your charm, but I was completely taken by the way you handled yourself with people. This way that drew people in and made them feel comfortable; a sense of challenge combined with what seemed like a secret knowledge that only you possessed believing I could do it. These were the things that drew me to you.
As I think back on all those years ago, I knew nothing. I thought I understood your handsome face, but I hadn’t even skimmed the surface of the beauty that you possess. I was taken by your charm and, but who would have guessed I would be captured by it.
Now some eight years later, you still make my heart beat fast. I long to be near you and to be forever yours.
Some would say that there are a plethora of men that one could find to be good husband… but I have always known that for me, there was only one. You were hand-picked. You fit with me, and I with you. My hand fits in yours, my heart fits with yours. Thump thump, thump thump… do you hear that? This is my bridegroom, this is my friend.

Day 8: The Glory belongs to our God...

2010-12-10T07:03:00.003-07:00

Over the past 22 days, I've told you stories about Steven and all the fun we've had together. Today I'd like to tell you about what a good God we have and how he has taken care of us.
As most girls, I've been planning my wedding for much longer than I've actually been PLANNING my wedding. But when it became a reality, I started freaking out. How in the world was I going to pull this off?
I remember laying in my bed one Saturday morning trying to scheme my way into an answer when I cried out to the Lord and told him it wasn't possible. As clear as was possible, I heard the Lord ask me, "What do you want?" And to be honest, I felt a little selfish asking for my wedding. I should ask for world peace or something. With all the details swirling in my mind I told him that I wanted Him to receive glory through our wedding. He asked again, "What else do you want?" And again, I felt selfish, but I told him all the majors... photography, place, flowers, dress.
Over the next 6 months, the Lord answered all of my requests. And when I say ALL, I mean ALL. If I were to tell you EVERY detail, it would last all day, so I'll give you one example. My mom and I had tried on dresses and I found the perfect one, but it was outside of my budget. Three days after I got engaged, it went on sale, half the price of the original! That is just one of a million ways the Lord has provided for us.
"Many, O LORD my God, are the wonders you have done. The things you planned for us no one can recount to you; were I to speak and tell of them, they would be too many to declare." - Psalm 40:5
In 8 days, when you step into the church, our prayer is that you would not notice the flowers, the decorations, or even the dress, but that you would sense the prescence of the Lord in that place. May He receive all the praise, honor and glory for our relationship, our wedding and our marriage.

Day 3124 or Day 9... depending on how you look at it

2010-12-09T07:56:00.003-07:00

It has been 3124 days since I met Steven and thought it would be fun to tell you a little about that event. I had just finished my second year in college and had come to the big city of Dallas for my first internship at Prince of Peace. I was invited to go to a college pool party at the King's home. Since I knew no one, I figured it was good way to meet people in Dallas. I met a ton of people that night... very few that I could actually remember their names. But I meet one guy who caught my attention. I will never forget a hispanic-looking guys in bright red lifeguard shorts. I remember thinking that this tanned mexican was very attractive until I asked him what school he went to. His answer: The Colony High School.
Oh my goodness, I thought a High School boy was CUTE! I was supposed to be there to WORK with the youth, not to date them! As I explained that I was the new intern and that I was in my second year of college, he said he ALSO was in his second year of college. After a little confusing moment, I realized that he had told me what school he WENT to.
What a sigh of relief... everything was right in the world again.
The weeks following that one, Steven and I began to hang out more and more. One day we were talking and he said that a bunch of us should get together and see a movie. Since I knew very few people, I thought that sounded like a great idea. Later that week he called me and asked if I wanted to see a movie. I made the connection with the conversation before and said sure! That Friday he pulled up to my house and knocked on my door. As I opened the door, I was suprised to find just him standing there. I asked, "Is everyone else going to meet us there?" And he said, "Who else is coming?"
To this day, I say that Steven had it planned all along and he says that he had told me from the beginning it was just us. Eh, it doesn't matter who is right... just that we're getting married 3133 days later :).
9 days and counting...

Day 11: Peru - Take 2!

2010-12-07T07:53:00.002-07:00

At a recent shower, we did one of those "How well do you know your man?" type of quizes. One of the questions they asked him was "What was your favorite day with Jamie?" I asked them for a hint: Give me the country. They all laughed and said, "Only the two of you could ask a question like that!"
His answer was our trip to Peru. In August of last year, my two roommates, Nicole and Britney, friend Paula, Steven and I all made a trek to Peru to visit the beach. It really was a TREK to get there! Seven hours into Peru, weird layover/finding a new bus station, a couple more hours and we finally arrived on the beaches of Peru. We had a blast laying in the sand, eating seafood, playing in the crazy waves and making big bonfires.
In Steven's first 8 months on the field, he had acquired some stress... between the rooster, living with a family, teaching and some other crazy happenings, he was ready for a vacation. After the first day or so, he was a new man. His stress had melted away and gave way to a crazy kid. He was determined to build a huge sand castle, which everyone pitched in to make. Then we walked up and down the shore counting all the dead things we found... I think we counted 35+ seagulls, 2 sea lions and 1 blue-footed boobie.
Yet one more thing I love about Steven: he's a little boy at heart - jumping around, building things and poking at stuff. He sure does keep my life fun!

Day 12: Turkey Time!

2010-12-06T09:36:00.003-07:00

Last Thanksgiving, Steven and I decided that we wanted to do something for all those in Loja who were missing in the good ol' US of A. So we invited all the English teachers, all the peace corp peps and every American missionary we could find that didn't have somewhere else to be over for lunch. Then we proceeded to buy the biggest turkey I have ever seen. I believe it was 12 kilos (translation: 26.5 pounds!).
I had never cooked a turkey before, so to say the least, I was a bit nervous. One of our friends informed us that we should lather it in butter and herbs, so the night before Steven came over to help me pull all the skin away from the turkey in order to smear butter and garlic all over it. We almost dropped it once, it slide into the sink a couple times, but we did it!
I was so stressed that it wouldn't cook that I woke up at 5:00 on Thanksgiving morning to put it in the oven.
Several hours later, we pulled out that beautiful turkey and it was ready to feed the 25 people we had invited. It was such a fun time of sharing Jesus with people in a way that was real. Steven blessed the meal and thanked the Lord for each person he had brought to us that day. We ate together, laughed together and were Jesus' hands and feet to people who wouldn't otherwise darken the door of a church.
One more thing I love about this man I'm going to marry: He's real with people... he meets real needs and loves people where they are.

Day 15: I'm with him...

2010-12-03T07:33:00.002-07:00

The countdown continues. As I’ve counted down the days, I have also been reading the Psalms. Today is Psalm 15…

LORD, who may dwell in your sanctuary? Who may live on your holy hill?
He whose walk is blameless and who does what is righteous,
who speaks the truth from his heart and has no slander on his tongue,
who does his neighbor no wrong and casts no slur on his fellowman,
who despises a vile man but honors those who fear the LORD,
who keeps his oath even when it hurts,
who lends his money without usury and does not accept a bribe against the innocent.
He who does these things will never be shaken.

As I read this psalm, I thought of Steven. Yesterday his tire on his truck popped in the middle of Preston. As he relayed the story how people kept honking at him, how two cops passed him and how he had to use a screwdriver to pry off the lock on his spare, I felt so much empathy for him and told him how sorry I was. His next words reminded me how lucky I am to be marrying this man: “The whole time I was just thanking the Lord that the weather was nice, that no one had gotten hurt and that it had happened so close to home.” I was amazed at his positive attitude.
I think of the many times he has stopped to help people on the side of the road when it was inconvenient for him. I remember the times that he has kept his word despite others not holding up to their end of the bargain. I see his love for those who are lost and his deep hatred of those who take advantage of people when they are in need. “He who does these things will never be shaken.” I’m with him…

Day 16: The List...

2010-12-02T06:37:00.002-07:00

Every girl has a list of the "must haves" in a future husband... I was no exception. After a few years of not dating, my list went out the window because I realized how futile it was to MAKE someone fit in a mold. Its funny, however that Steven fits the
bill in so many ways.
Here's what I SAID wanted in a man before I would marry him...
1. Speak Spanish
2. A man's man... not afraid to get dirty and can fix stuff
3. Has been on the mission field with me
4. Sings and plays the guitar
5. Loves Jesus

Check, check, check... but he doesn't play the guitar... (Well, I guess that one is negotiable!) and check!
I remember very vividly the first time I saw him after he had moved to Loja. It was a rush of emotion: happy to see him and afraid at what this would mean for my live and ministry in Ecuador. I remember telling my best friend Allison, "If it doesn't work, I'll lose my friend!" And she reminded me, "Yes, but if it does, you'll get to marry your best friend." Those were wise words.
The next year brought lots of laughter but also lots of frustration. My favorite memory is of The Rooster. He came into the cafe one afternoon looking haggard and tired. I tried to remain straight-faced as he told his tale of The Rooster.
Steven had a rooster that lived 5 feet from his window. It did not crow like a normal rooster, but more like one that was dying. It also did not crow at normal times, but at 2 in the morning.
Finally, Steven had had it. He had already tried yelling at it, whistling at it and ignoring it. That night he decided to drag himself out of bed and get a pot. He filled it with water and walked into the back yard. He waited until the rooster was about to crow and then threw the pot of water on its head. After a flutter of wings, Steven breathed a sigh of relief as the rooster settled into his spot. He gathered up his pot, walked back in the house, but the moment he laid back down, the rooster started again.
Maybe #6 on the list should be: Can come up with creative ways to kill annoying roosters. :)

Day 18: My gift...

2010-11-30T07:53:00.002-07:00

My heart and my mind were in conflict with each other as he stepped off the plane. 'I like him. Yes, I think I like him. But what if it doesn't work out.' The what-if's were looming and the confusion was mounting. A decision had to be made. Why? Because he was meeting my family for the first time.
I had just spent a year in Ecuador and had come home for the first time to meet my nephew and spend Christmas with my family. But, to make life a little more interesting (and by that, I mean stressful) Steven and my sister's boyfriend were coming to Colorado to meet the fam.
My brother promised to not give "this one" a hard time due to the fact that I was getting older and that if he scared them ALL away, I would end up an old maid. Oh family, they sure do keep life interesting.
We went on our very first date to a Japanese steakhouse, where Steven showed off his mad skill by catching, not one, not two, but FOUR shrimp thrown to him by the chef. We got to play in the snow and go to a house concert.
Tim and Laurie Thornton amazed us as they skillfully played, sang and told stories of what the Lord had done in their lives. At one point in the concert, my mind started to drift and the thoughts began to eat away at my brain, "What if it doesn't work out? What if he breaks my heart? What if this isn't right?" And in that moment I heard the Lord whisper to me, "He is your gift." All of the sudden a million other questions entered my mind, "For now? For this year? Forever?" But no answer was given... just that he was my gift.
Today, almost 2 years later, I can guarantee that Steven is the best Christmas gift I have ever received. Jesus does give the best gifts, doesn't he?

Day 19: Peru, take 1...

2010-11-29T08:06:00.004-07:00

It had been decided before I ever left for Ecuador, that Allison would come and visit me and that we would go traveling. Over the course of the first 8 months, Steven and I began to talk more and more to the point that he decided that he too, wanted to come and visit. Then my friend Julie realized that her friend Scott was living about 4 hours from where I lived, so it was just natural that she would come too.
In August of 2008, all three of them came to visit and through a series of events we decided to go to Machu Picchu in Peru. They had a night in Quito and a day in Loja before we left. We then took a 7 hour bus ride to the Peruvian border, spent like 5 hours waiting for our flight and then another night and a day before we arrived in Cusco. A day later, we had planned to take the train to Machu Picchu and had worked out a taxi to come pick us up. The morning of our great adventure, the taxi didn't show up when it said it would... so we waited... and waited. By the time it got there, we were going to miss the train. If you don't know, there is only ONE train to get there and if you miss it, you're just outta luck. We were praying all the way there that we would make it/yelling at the taxi driver to hurry.
We made it 2 minutes before the train left. Pure relief flooded my body as we plopped in our seats. As we pulled up to Machu Picchu, we realized it was all worth it. It was one of the most glorious sites I've ever seen. How the ancient Incas created all of this on the side of a mountain, I will never understand.
Our travel package came with a guided tour, but instead we chose Julie to be our tour guide. For the next several hours Julie walked us around Machu Picchu and pointed out the different things we needed to know. "Here is where the ancient Incas had their Olympic sized pool. And here is where they had their lama races. And over here were the olympic gams." Needless to say, there was much laughter and we learned very little about the ancients, but we did have a lot of fun on our adventure to Peru.
Over the years Steven and I have learned how to roll with the punches. We have become fellow adventurers. He pushes me to take risks and try for the impossible... I keep him organized. We're a good team.

Day 25... well day 24... who gets the credit for us?

2010-11-23T23:47:00.003-07:00

As I write this at 12:48am, I'm realizing that I indeed am at 24 days and not 25! Today at 10am, we are going to get our marriage license. This little piece of paper has lots of stipulations on it: you have to get it over 48 hours BEFORE you can wed, but it cannot exceed 30 days before your wedding. You must bring both persons and passports in order to get this small paper as well as cash only to pay for it. All this to get a little piece of paper that says you are now connected forever.
I thought today would be a good day to discuss all the people who swore this would happen WAY before either of us ever let it enter our minds. In 2003, my middle school girls, at summer camp were convinced that one day I would be Mrs. Steven Rungaitis. So, Kathryn Ryan, Paige Hennington, Rachel Malecek, Kimmie Cockcroft, Rachel King and a host of other 12-year-old, now 21-year-old girls put money on the fact that we would one day be in marital bliss. I, of course laughed it off.
When my mom met Steven for the first time in 2005, she thought he was a FINE catch and that I should set my sights on him. I told her that if she was so set on him, SHE should marry him. That ended that discussion.
Then comes my good ol' roommate and best friend, Allison. In 2007, she stated matter-of-factly that I would indeed marry Steven. I told her that was impossible since I didn't like him. She stated, again in a calm tone that YES I would marry him. And I responded in an irritated fashion that I would not. And yet a third time she said, "It doesn't matter what you say, you're going to marry him." In my anger, I yelled at her, told her I would NOT marry him and slammed my bedroom door.
And then came that day in July of 2009 when Steven asked me in regards to our future, "So where do you see us down the road?" I answered him as sure as I have ever been about anything in my life: "I want to marry you, Steven Rungaitis." That's when I knew.
Good thing God's plans don't have time restriction on them, like our silly marriage license... Good thing God does things in his way, on his time line.
That's another thing I love about Steven... he waited on the Lord's perfect timing.
So really the LORD is the only one who can take the credit... sorry girls.

Day 26... how many cups of coffee?

2010-11-22T13:20:00.003-07:00

When your foot is shaking too bad to drive a stick shift, you know you have had too many cups of coffee.
From the first summer until present day, our favorite thing to do is sit and drink coffee together. Once, Steven and I sat at Ihop and drank coffee for hours. We drank pot after pot, laughing and telling stories. We would silently (or not so silently) chuckle at all the funny people who walked through the doors at 1am. This was the first, but not the last time that I had a hard time driving home due to the massive amount of caffeine pumping through my body!
After a few summers we upgraded to Cafe Brazil and finally to closing out Starbucks. With every cup of coffee, I learned more about Steven... the things that made him laugh, made him tick, made me smile.
One day Steven called me to drink coffee when I was already at Starbucks, so I told him to just meet me there. Before he arrived, a guy sitting near me started talking to me and asking me questions. Needless to say, he was not too happy about Steven's arrival, which he did not bother to hide. Steven joined in on the conversation like he had been there all along. I couldn't help but hold back a smirk as I watched this guy's face go from thinking he had a chance to realizing he had none.
Over the years we have probably shared 1,000 cups of coffee. We just love hanging out and we always have. There are very few people that I enjoy being with as much as I love being with Steven. He's my best friend. I love that about him.

Day 29 reminds me of May 29th...

2010-11-19T08:27:00.003-07:00

When thinking of what story to tell for today (day 29), I thought it only fitting to tell of some of our birthday experiences together (May 29th being my birthday).
If you know me at all, birthdays are a BIG deal. I love birthdays! When my 21st birthday rolled around, I was working at Prince of Peace and hadn't made a lot of friends yet in the Dallas area. Since I was doing youth ministry, I had opted out of drinking for my 21st, so Steven said he would take me to a movie instead.
As we went to purchase our tickets, the lady asked me how old I was. I thought it was a little strange, but told her that today was my 21st birthday. She looked surprised and then told me that I needed to show ID. In my confused state, I didn't realize it was because it was an R-rated movie and she didn't believe that I was over 17!
We both laughed (though I do believe Steven laughed a little harder!)...
That's always been us: we love to laugh.

30 Days and counting...

2010-11-17T11:48:00.008-07:00

Since day 150, I've been counting down. To be honest, I just can't help it. I decided in these last 30 days, I want to share some stories that maybe you've never heard. Steven and I have have known each other for 8 years, been in 5 different countries together, spent countless hours with teenagers and even more over cups of coffee laughing and telling stories. So for those who only know us apart, I thought I'd give you a little insight into some of our fun together.

Let's call this one: Middle School Camp...
My very first summer in Dallas, Steven offered, or rather got tricked into helping me at middle school camp. Between us, I believe we had 20 crazy kids to chase after and try to keep them from killing each other. If you know Steven at all, you know that he has a real way with pushing boys to step it up. That was probably the first character quality I saw in Steven that really intrigued me. Steven has a way about him that guys respect... not out of fear, but out of a gentle strength.
One of the boys on that trip had never made it through an entire week at camp. He would either freak out and be sent home or refuse to speak. He refused to be involved in the games or to participate in any way. Every time I pushed him he would retreat further into himself, so I finally just let him do what he wanted.
As per usual, he chose to sit out when the kids were playing tug-o-war. We had a bunch of girls and a couple small boys, so of course we were losing. Steven, standing next to this kid, leaned over and said, "They need your help." The kid flippantly said, "They don't need me." Steven responded, "They won't win unless you are their anchor." My mouth dropped open as this kid, who I couldn't get to do ANYTHING walked over, grabbed the rope, put it around his waist and pulled them to victory.
Over the course of that week, I saw Steven willing make a fool out of himself to get others involved. I saw him eat the most disgusting concoction just to get a rise out of the boys and I saw a gentle leader. At one point, I was freaking out and I said, "Steven make the decision for me!" And he looked at me in his calm Steven way and said, "I can do it for you if you want, but you're in charge of these kids and I believe you can do it." I loved that he was willing to step in for me, but believed wholeheartedly that I had the ability to do whatever I put my mind to.
That's what I learned about Steven at middle school camp... and I am still following that gentle leader.

Let your glory fall...

2010-11-01T10:34:00.002-06:00

Glory... have you ever stopped to think what it means when we say "His glory fell" or "Be glorified in me" or the millions of other ways we throw around the word glory?
I hadn't... until yesterday. In his sermon, Matt laid out the mission statement of the church and when he came to the part that says, "That God would be glorified" he began to explain what that meant.
If you have a huge boulder at the edge of a cliff with a puddle of water at the bottom, and you push it over, what will happen to the water? It will spray everywhere. The water will be changed. It has no choice because the weight of the rock forces it to be changed.
The glory of the Lord is the same. Glory means weight or heaviness. So when we ask for his glory to fall, we are asking for his weight to fall on us. The problem is, many of us see God as a concept. If you see God as a concept and not a reality, you are heavier than God. Some people think that the glory of the Lord is like a glass of water and I am like a rock that it falls on. He is only a concept, so He can be molded and manipulated into being whatever I want (or don't want) his to be.
If I allow the true weightiness of His Glory to fall on me, I have no choice but to be changed. May I be crushed under the heaviness of Him so there will be less of me and more of him.

It's time...

2010-10-27T07:04:00.004-06:00

On my way to school the other day, God laid something on my heart and then wouldn't let it go. My purpose for being at my job. When my job isn't ministry related, I find it easy to walk in, do my job and leave... affecting no one's life and having no one affect mine. I'm just doing my job, right? Wrong.
As I sat down to coffee with one of my friends here at work, she explained to me that every day teachers were coming into this building broken, alone and lost, only to put on a smile and act happy for the kiddos they teach. They put it all out on the line for these kids. They give their heart, soul and every bit of strength they have to teach these kids and show them the love of Jesus. So, who's putting it on the line for them?
That's where Jesus began to pull on my heart strings... to be the one who would battle for the teachers as they battle for the hearts and souls of these precious ones.
I think back to the women who have commited to praying for me. My grandmas and mom who prayed me through my childhood (and on!), my mentor who prayed me through high school, ladies in my church who prayed me through college, women who literally prayed me through my trials in Ecuador, and finally older godly women who prayed an amazing man into my life. They battled for me when I couldn't do it for myself. They may have never stepped a foot onto foreign soil or crossed paths with crazy high school kids, but if not for their prayers, neither would I.
So maybe now its my turn. Maybe I won't ever step foot into a classroom to touch the lives of these children, but maybe its my turn to go to bat for the ones who do. As I began to ask the teachers their prayer requests, I began to see what's really going on. Getting involved in people's lives is messy business, but by the grace of God I'll battle for them like some many have done for me.

Love the honesty...

2010-10-22T13:35:00.005-06:00

Question from teacher: What's your cat's name?
Answer from 4-year-old: Heartflowerstar

Question from 4-year old to teacher: Are you Hispanic?
Answer from white teacher: No
(Puzzled look from 4 year old...)
Question: Are you black?
Answer: No
(Even MORE puzzled look...)
Question: Then what are you??

There are just a few tidbits of the conversations I have (or hear about) on a daily basis. Yesterday was a story that blessed my heart. While M'Kayla was waiting for her mom to show up with her gym clothes, she started the barrage of questions. The first of which was: what did you do before you came here. No sooner had the words, Missionary in Ecuador come out of my mouth that she launched into her 11-year-old travels.
"I've been to Mexico on a mission trip! We went to help poor children and to play with them. I have a picture of me and my friends from when we went!" She continued on in the most precious way, to tell me how her parents wanted to take her and her 2 siblings on a mission trip to Guatemala. As I listened to her and saw her face light up as she talked about her Mexican friends, I started to think to myself, How many ADULTS don't even understand this? We serve out of LOVE for friends, not out of obligation to help "THOSE" people.

I love the things these kids teach me...

Come and See!

2010-10-13T09:03:00.003-06:00

Say to God: "How great are your works! All the earth will worship you and sing praise to you; they will sing praise to your Name." Come and see what God has done!

No news is good news. Why do we say that? Because when it comes to letting people know what's going on with us, it is much easier to gossip, speak ill of someone or say how we've been hurt. The words that come across our lips are much more likely to be negative than possitive.
As I read psalm 66 this morning, it not only said: How great are your works, it went on to TELL of his great works... how the Israelites crossed the red sea on dry ground and how God came through from them time and time again.
But it doesn't stop with the Israelite. Jesus himself said to those who wanted to know who he was and what he did: Come and See! Paul tells us to TASTE and see that the Lord is good. His desire is not that we would stand at a distance, but that we would engage with the Holy One; that we would come to the place of stepping out, jumping in and seeing with our own eyes the goodness of the Lord.
So here's to God! The One who brought the sun up this morning and gave us the coolness of morning. Here's to God: who gave us friendship and laughter. Here's to God: who is with us when things are good and when we can't take one more step. Here's to God: who without Him, my life would be in utter shambles due to my own pride and stubborness.
So I will stop loving at a distance. I will stop observing what other people are talking about and I will choose to ENGAGE. With my lips I will praise him and call others to the same: Come and see what the Lord has done!

My daddy's hand...

2010-10-08T06:46:00.003-06:00

My dad's birthday is tomorrow, but since he is currently in China, it is tomorrow! This is my tribute to the best dad a little girl could ever ask for...

One of the most vivid memories I have as a child is holding my daddy's hand. After being pulled out of my car seat, a finger would descend in front of my face and I would grab on. I knew that wherever I was being led was a safe place because of the hand that led me. But, I always thought I was holding onto him, I never realized he was holding me. He held me when tears streamed down my small cheeks. He held me after much needed disciple and after my heart got broken.
The older I've gotten, the more I've realized that he's had to get good at not just holding on, but letting go: the goodbyes as I walked through the door of my college dorm. The long hugs before I stepped foot on the plane to Ecuador. But none of these moments will compare to the moment when he says: "Her mother and I do"... and puts my hand into the hand of another. What will flash through my memory in that instant are the moments I've been held.
Thank you Dad, for being willing to holding me with laughter and through tears... and for your willingness to let go and entrust me to our Heavenly Father. I love you!

4 stories... one theme

2010-09-27T08:33:00.004-06:00

A big tough business guy, an ex-druggy from Kentucky, a good girl, and a west african man who used to practice voodoo. These were the four who stood up in front of our church yesterday to confess their love of Jesus before they walked through the waters of baptism.
I was amazed as I heard their stories: each unique and completely opposite, but with the same ending... Jesus saving them from their complete and utter depravity in the face of a holy and awesome God.
On the face of the first guy was a look of total control, but as he went on to describe what the Lord has done in his life, humility overtook him. He said, "Humility is not one of my strong suites, but I stand before you humbled because of God's grace."
As the next lady entered the waters with her husband, she gave a sweet testimony of how she was raised in the church and always throught her testimony was ordinary, but recently God has revealed how his grace is never ordinary. One thing I love about our church is that each one is baptized by someone who has lead them in their walk with the Lord. As the husband took his wife by the hand, I was overwhelmed by the picture of our Great Bridegroom who leads us to the waters from wherever we have been.
Up next was a West African man from Benin. English was not his first language, so it took some consentration to understand what he was saying. I know what its like to speak in front of people in your second language and it is terrifying, so I was really impressed. He shared with us how he grew up in a place where witchcraft and voodoo ran his life. He began to have a reoccuring nightmare of people flying around him while he was on the ground burning. He went to every witch-doctor and paid any price to be rid of the dream, but to no avail. Finally, he met a Christian man who invited him to church. After he had gone to church several times, the dream left him, but that did not mean that he was done with church. His friend shared the gospel with him and he came to know the saving grace of Jesus Christ.
Last, but not least was Kentucky... which was how he was announced,though it was not his name, just his place of origin. He spoke matter-of-factly about his past life in drugs and alcohol. He told us of his rehabilitation, but that it came with a lack of peace. When he moved to Dallas, he met a bunch of guys from the Village who spoke truth into his life and shared the gospel with him. This is where the straight-face stopped and the tears began to flow as his voice waved. "Jesus saved me by his grace."
I share these stories today to remind you to share yours. Whether good, bad or ugly, God has given us a story to tell, but they all should end the same, He saved me by His grace and for that, I am forever thankful!

Out of the mouths of babes...

2010-09-16T11:29:00.003-06:00

As their smiling faces come pouring in at a quarter past seven, I am reminded of where they have just come from. One would assume that these nicely groomed children with backpacks in tote would come from the highest classed families in Dallas. They politely smile and greet me with, “Good Morning Miss Eng,” from the very smallest that stand no higher than my knee to the very oldest that are most likely taller than me.
As I listen in on their stories, I am reminded of where they actually come from. Two little girls were waiting for their mom to pick them up from school and began talking about their home life. Yes, they do share a room was the answer to another girls inquisitive questioning. For that matter, they all shared a room, but mommy got to sleep on the bed. They giggled and smiled as they said, “And it REALLY gets crowded when daddy is there too! But it’s ok because we are all squished in together!”
I am amazed at what the kids pick up on from their own family life. A fellow teacher told me of one 2nd grader who was complaining of a hurting side. His teacher asked if he had told his mom and he said, “No, I don’t want to make her more sad than she already is.” When the teacher inquired as to why, he poured out his sad tale. “My mommy is sad because my daddy left. It makes me sad too. That’s why I don’t want to tell my mommy because it will make her more sad.”
As I hear these children’s stories, it breaks my heart and makes me want to hold them just that much tighter. Their childhood is so much different from my own, but they want what every child wants: someone to love and care for them.
I overheard a little boy tell his teacher, “At my last school they told me they wished I had never been born.” The teacher put her arm around him and said, “I don’t know what I would do without you.”
This is West Dallas Community School and I am proud to be a part of it.

Creative Response to Galatians 5:1

2010-09-07T21:13:00.002-06:00

For Bible study, we had to write a creative response to Galatians 5:1...
Here's mine:
A heavy metallic ball rolls across a stone floor, followed by the sound of chains rattling and a small humph. I am a slave. This is how it is, day in and day out. It slows me down, wears me out and keeps me from being who I was created to be. Burdensome, heavy, weighed down… I become depressed and overwhelmed wondering if there is any end in sight. I am a slave. The small moments of happiness that I do have are quickly tossed to the side and replaced by this chain that keeps me from running, jumping, dancing…
I have tried to make it pretty, build a cart for it to ride in, or just plain ignore it… but nothing works, nothing helps. It follows me around and haunts me. I am a slave.
But then He showed up. I tried to hide it, but he pulled it out in the open. Tears flowed freely as I tried with desperate attempts to explain it away. He stopped me mid-excuse, wrapped me up in his arms and said that I was never meant to be this way. In my tired state, I gave in to his arms and wept shamefully. I could feel his breath on my cheek as he whispered, Do you want to be free?
I couldn’t make my lips form the words, so I just gave a silent nod through snot-nosed sobs and handed him my chains. He lovingly took them upon his own shoulders and exclaimed, “You’re free!”From the very beginning he had never wanted me to be a slave, he wanted me to be with Him… I wanted my chains… HE wanted my freedom. It was all gone, the pain, guilt, and shame was replaced by joy, hope, and love. I jumped emphatically into his arms and kissed his cheek. What else could I do? Words could not express the thankfulness in my heart for what he had done for me.
His only request: that I wouldn’t go back. But why would I? I was a slave, now I’m FREE!

Heart Language

2010-08-30T09:37:00.000-06:00

I’m constantly perplexed by the concept of wanting what we can’t have. We take things for granted when we have them every day, but complain when they are suddenly ripped always.
Living in Ecuador was no walk in the park. There were very difficult moments where I wanted to throw in the towel and walk away. There were moments of tears and frustration. But there were also moments of pure joy and gladness. Moments where I got to watch my friends fall more in love with Jesus or accept him for the first time.
Before I left Ecuador, I made a list of all the things I WOULDN’T miss so I could laugh, reminisce and remember that it wasn’t perfect or better than this place I am in now.
As the weeks have turned into months of living in the States, I have come to the realization that I am pulling away… not because I want to or because I don’t love my Ecuadorian friends, but because it’s safer. It’s safer to not call them all the time and not know every detail of their lives because then I can’t miss them so much.
Last night, as I was worshipping in church with eyes closed, a familiar sound came to my ears: Spanish. Steven and I looked at each other in stunned amazement as we threw our hands in the air and praised God in what had become my heart language. Tears blurred my vision as I recalled the words that had been sung and the Word that had been preached over the past two years living in Ecuador. I miss it.
I will never forget May of 2008 when I sung my first English worship song in 5 months. Tears would not stop streaming down my face as I cried out to my Creator in the language of my heart. Who would have guessed 3 years later, my heart would cry for a different language, a different people and a different city. Investing your heart in a people, a city, a country is not safe. Your heart breaks and then is permanently stuck in that place. So I guess it would be easier to play it safe, to never invest and to hold people at as much of a distance as possible… I’m glad Jesus didn’t do that and I pray I will always follow His lead.

My Sunrise

2010-08-27T09:56:00.004-06:00

I think I am officially "Grown Up." For the past 8 years, since I have been out of college, I have never had a "normal" job. I've always worked weird hours, stayed up late, woken up late and worn whatever I want. Those good ol' days are behind us now that I wake up at 6, "dress up" every day for work and am in bed by 10. The only plus is getting to see the sunrise.
Yesterday morning as I turned on 35, the sun creapt out of the ground and its rays poured through the clouds. As my voice sang "Wholly Yours," a tear came to my eye realizing that that sunrise was for me. I couldn't help but thank him for being such a beautiful creator. I always used to say that God was in the sunset because I was never awake to see it come up, but I guess the plus of being a grown up is that I get to see the beauty in my sunrise.

Here comes the Bride...

2010-08-03T09:13:00.005-06:00

Picture it with me: the doors fly open to reveal a grinning bride dressed in dazzling white. Her eyes are brimming with tears as she sees the one her heart loves. Her butterflies disappear as she settles into his gentle gaze. A sweet giggle escapes her lips as she takes the first step down the aisle. Her long awaited day has finally arrived. Soon they will pronounce husband and wife... Mr. and Mrs... the two becoming one.
As I lay in my bed the other day making mental preparations for my wedding coming up, I began to think about this moment... walking down the aisle toward the rest of my life. And honestly, I couldn't help but smile and giggle in excitement. I am marrying my best friend; the one who holds me when I am sad and makes me laugh so hard I think I might cry. But preparations need to be made... over the next 4 1/2 months, we will prepare spiritually, emotionally, mentally... we will make preparations for the cake, the dress and our lives. Though the preparations are many, the outcome is the same: we are married. And its a day I wait for in joyful anticipation.
As I was reading in 1 John this morning, I began to think of our future wedding with no date. The doors fly open and we, the church, the bride of Christ walk through. All nervousness and butterflies disappear as we settle into the gentle gaze of our Savior. He's been waiting for this day for so long. Instead of sauntering, I take off in a full sprint into the arms of the One my heart loves. He whispers in my ear, "I am so excited about being married to you!" This is a day we are waiting for, but right now, we prepare. We know that one day we will be united as one, but for now he calls us to this: "And now, dear children continue in him, so that when he appears we may be confident and unashamed before him at his coming."
Right now, I am Steven's bride-to-be. I have finally come to understand Jesus' impatience being united with me, the one His heart loves. I understand his jealousy for wanting all of me and no desire to share me with anyone or anything else! I understand the longing He feels in waiting for that great day when we will be ONE. Just as I can’t wait for my earthly bridegroom, I smile and my heart beats faster as I think of the day that two shall become one for eternity.

Over a mop and a bucket...

2010-07-26T16:49:00.005-06:00

Last week as I was waiting nervously for my job interview, a man came out into the waiting room to clean the floor. We exchanged pleasantries and then I went back to looking at the paper in front of me. He began to clean the floor and talk to me. Come to find out, his name is Clifford and he's one of the janitors there.
What started out with a casual hi, suddenly morphed into an animated telling of how Jesus saved him. Clifford was just like one of these west Dallas kids who had a hard life and got mixed up in a bad crowd. Drugs, alcohol and the works came next. One day he was talking to his mom about his desperate need of SOMETHING to save him and she told him he needed to go to some sort of rehab. Through strung out eyes he said, "No, God is going to deliver me." Shortly after, he went to a Dallas homeless ministry to listen to a preacher. After it was all over, someone said to him, "Go shake the man's hand." Clifford stood up to see who was talking to him, but saw no one. So he sat down again. This time the voice was more forceful,"Go shake the man's hand." You didn't have to tell him 3 times... he walked up to the preacher, shook his hand and said thank you.
The preacher looked at Clifford and began to tell him things about himself that only God knew. The preacher began to pray healing and deliverance over him. He shared the truth of the gospel and the love of Jesus Christ.
I couldn't help but grin from ear to ear as Clifford said to me, "And I was healed! God healed me of my addictions!" Just at that moment, I was called in for my interview. I looked back to see Clifford mopping with a joy that comes only from the One who heals body, mind and spirit.
Who would have guessed I went in to get an interview and I walked out blessed beyond measure by a story over a mop and a bucket.
p.s. I got the job and hope to hear many more stories from this amazing man of God.

Stories over a Sushi Bar...

2010-07-12T20:37:00.003-06:00

World Cup 2010 "Spain versus Netherlands" put us at a Sushi Bar in Frisco hanging out with our friend David. Little did I know that God had other plans for me being there.
Most people thought Steven had to drag me to go watch the game and eat sushi. I actually ENJOY watching soccer... I think it comes from being forced to watch it in Ecuador. Anyway, as the game began a woman sat down at the bar next to me and we started making small talk. Its started with the normal, "What's good here?" and "Who's playing?" but before you know it we started digging into deeper things. Come to find out she has a 4 year old son and a set of 2 year old twins! (yikes!) The reason for the outing was just that, to get OUT. Her gracious husband allowed her a "Mommy Day" where she could do whatever she wanted to relax. She randomly chose this sushi place to sit down for a bite and a couple beers.
The more we talked, the more connected we became. The more I listened, the more I realized that there was something different about this woman. Through a series of comments, I ended up asking, "Do you go to church around here?" and she came back with, "Yeah, I go to The Village." By this time the game had started and the guys were engrossed in the television.
I flippantly asked her how she became a Christian and she got that "do you really want to know" look on her face and said, "That's a really long story." I told her stories were the one thing I could never hear too many of.
She started her story with growing up in an Episcopal church and knowing all the "right answers" but not knowing what any of them meant. That was the best life got because by age 11 she was dabbling in drinking, drugs, sex, you name it. By the age of 19 she had moved out of her house and in with her boyfriend. Together they did more drugs and and opened more doors for Satan to rear his ugly head.
His mom was a Christian and always talked to her about Jesus and his salvation but she blew it off thinking the mom was a bit crazy.
Through a series of events, she came to the end of her rope. She sat in her car gripping her steering wheel. As she closed her eyes, she decided she wanted to die. When she opened her eyes again, she was sitting in front of her mom's house, not knowing how she had gotten there.
Her mom helped her check into a psychiatric hospital and so began God calling her to Himself. One night as she cried on her bed, her roommate (who had not said much before) came over to her and began to say the Lord's prayer. After that she began to tell her about Jesus' love and salvation.
The next day her boyfriend called her and said that he had come to know Jesus and was now a believer. He said he wanted her to know Jesus too. She called her mom to pick her up and the three of them went to the Episcopal church to talk to the pastor.
He explained the Gospel of Jesus and asked her to repeat some of the things he was saying. She told me, "I couldn't say the words. I couldn't even comprehend them. There was a block in my mind that was keeping me from understanding." As she struggled within herself, they began to pray over her. She closed her eyes and said it was as if something was reaching its hand deep into her stomach and puling apart something connected to her soul. As it was pulled out of her body, she saw a bring light, more beautiful than she could ever begin to describe. Suddenly she opened her eyes and it was 3 hours later. They told her that over the last three hours, voices had spoken through her that weren't her, she had yelled and screamed and then suddenly she opened her eyes and it was done.
At this point in the story, I was sitting with mouth agape, having no clue what was going on in the game and not caring. She said for the next 2 years she had a hightened sense of awareness of the spiritual realm. People who had done drugs and been with them before were now afraid to sit next to her. They said that when they were near her it was like sitting next to a fire.
I sat in awe at what the Lord had done in her life. As I looked at the woman before me, I saw a normal, beautiful, wife and mother... but she had at one point experienced hell and then had walked into the arms of a loving Father.
I thought of the passage where the immoral woman brings a bottle of expensive perfume to pour on Jesus' feet and everyone rebukes her, but Jesus says, " I tell you, her sins -- and they are many -- have been forgiven, so she has shown me much love. But a person who is forgiven little shows only little love." Then Jesus said to the woman, "Your sins are forgiven."
Whether your sins are great or small; whether your story raises the hair on my arm or only gets a smile and a "Oh, that's nice;" whether you have been forgiven much or litte, we are all in the same boat... dying in desperate need of a Savior. It is only by the blood of Jesus Christ that our sins are forgiven! Isn't it time we rejoice in the grace we have been given?!

How much is your integrity worth?

2010-07-07T15:18:00.003-06:00

The other day at work, I gave a guy $2 more in change that I should of. When he realized the error, he walked back to the counter and handed it back to me. I thanked him for his honesty and he said: My integrity is worth more than $2.
Starting there, I began to think more and more about how much people would sell their integrity for... $100? $500? $1 million? Or $2 for a cup of coffee? (p.s. someone printed off a fake starbucks coupon to get a free $4 drink... what does that say about you?)
As I was flipping through the channels, a show caught my eye: True Beauty. The show consists of 10 beautiful people competing to work in Vegas. What they don't know is that judges are ACTUALLY judging them on their INNER beauty. They stay or are kicked off depending on how honest they are, how they help or don't help people, and the amount of people they step on to get to the top. They also don't realize that the judges have set up these little "character scenarios" to test their true colors when no one is looking. It blew me away at how heartless and ruthless they truly were when no one was "looking."
For me, God boiled it down to this: Colossians 3:22 "Obey your earthly masters in everything; and do it, not only when their eye is on you and to win their favor, but with sincerity of heart and reverence for the LORD." How many times do I do the "right thing" when people are watching and do what is most convenient when I think no one is looking? All of these little snap shots have challenged me to ask the question: How much is my integrity worth? Will I do what is right, not just when their eye is on me, but at all times to show a sincere heart and reverence for the LORD, not for man. Something to think about...

Insignificance...

2010-06-29T19:53:00.002-06:00

Abraham picked up and left all he knew in order to wander around before he became the Father of a great nation.
Joseph was a slave and sat in prison before he saved his brothers from starving to death.
Moses watched sheep in the dessert before he saved the Jews from Pharaoh.
Jesus was a carpenter for 30 years before he saved the world.
The list of people throughout history who waited in insignificance is overwhelming. How many times do you think Jesus thought: 'Why do I need to walk back to Jerusalem? I could just fly. Or better yet just BE there.' Or the 100s of times that Moses looked around and said, "I'm watching sheep. Wasn't I just the prince of Egypt? REALLY?"
Recently I've looked at my life and said, "I'm a barista at Starbucks. Really God?" My life has felt small and insignificant. And all of the sudden I realize that I am BACK to where I was 4 years ago when I said to God, "You have nothing for me. You have no plans for my life." That statement was followed by the most amazing experience in my life and falling in love with the most amazing man. But even AFTER learning what a great God I serve, I still ask the same question, "Really? I'm supposed to be HERE?"
Today I was reading in James and the famous, “Consider it joy…” when? When you face trials. And I thought to myself, I am NOT facing trials like the early church! I’m not being persecuted, tortured or fed to hungry lions… I seriously have NOTHING to complain about. The interesting line comes in the next statement… “For you know that the testing of our faith DEVELOPES perseverance. Whether our trial is physical, spiritual or emotional… James says that you are developing perseverance. I am developing a deeper trust for my Father when I wait on him instead of take life in my own hands.
During my time at Starbucks, I haven’t felt like I’ve done much for Jesus. I just go to work and go home. No big deal, right? I heard this weekend at the Family Life Conference that being a parent is a “Character Job”… and I’ve decided that EVERY job is a character job. If you are ministering to people at your job they watch every move you make, every careless word and judge your “Talk about Jesus” by your ACTIONS. In the past week, I’ve gotten the opportunity to talk to two of the guys I work with about Jesus and what He wants for them. I do find it amazing that both of them mentioned that they had been IN the church and left due to hypocrisy and legalism. So I guess it IS a big deal what kind of life I live in front of my co-workers.
Next time you think you’re stuck in a holding pattern with your life, ask yourself, ‘Am I considering it joy? Is Jesus trying to develop something in me?’ Someone is always watching and Jesus is always working.

Please don’t send me to Africa… or my neighbor

2010-06-18T08:32:00.001-06:00

I remember hearing that song when I was a kid…
Please don’t send me to Africa
I don’t think I got what it takes
I’m just a man, I’m not a Tarzan
Don’t like lions, gorillas or snakes
I’ll serve you here in suburbia
In my comfortable middle class life
But please don’t send me out into the bush
Where the natives are restless at night

This has never been my song or my fear. I’ve always been the opposite… Jesus don’t make me stay in suburbia, send me to Africa!
Recently I’ve been hanging out with my friends Jess and Mike and they have inspired me to consider Africa AND the suburbs.

Last year Mike and Jess tried to sell their house in order to move to a bigger house for their growing family of 4. No matter how hard they tried or what gimmicks they used, their house wouldn’t sell. So they just figured that meant God wanted them to stay there for a while longer. They realized that they had lived in the same house for 6 years and the only way they knew their neighbors was by an occasional wave or “How’s it going?” That’s how Mission 5 started. They decided to be intentional in their outreach to the 5 neighbors they have on all sides of them. Mike began taking the boys to go and say hi, Jess baked cookies and they began to invite people to church one by one. As Jess and Mike were telling me this story, I got super excited to see what God was doing in middle class suburbia through two of his faithful servants who were willing to love people.

Just a month ago, Jessica told me, “I’ve built a protective Christian bubble around myself and its just about time I got out!” She and Mike have decided to live missionally. For Jess, that means she wants to take a short term mission trip to another country, but more than that, she wants to take her CHURCH. And for Mike, that means Mission 5. The greatest part about this story is that they are NOT just talking about it, they are doing it. They have approached their pastor and said it was just about time that they had short term missions and the pastor said, “GO! You’re in charge!” For most people, that would stop the idea in its tracks, but not these two. They are stepping up to the challenge though they don’t know how they are going to swing it financially or gather people to go. BUT they are stepping OUT and trusting God who began this work to complete it.

Just yesterday I was asking Jess how Mission 5 was going and she told me that Mike decided to just be up front and ask one of their neighbors, “So what do you believe?” As the family explained their dislike for religion due to the massive amount of hypocrisy found in the church, Mike chimed in, “Me too! I hate religion and hypocrisy!” I can only imagine the man’s stunned face as Mike went on to say that Jesus wasn’t about a religion but a relationship and that he never meant for his church to talk one way and act another. Wow, talk about saying it how it is! As Jess and Mike have committed to pray and love on all 5 of these families, I cannot wait to see what God does with their faithfulness…

Be careful when you tell Jesus to burst your “Christian bubble,” he might send you to Africa or worse yet, your neighbors.

It's time we get off our phones and look at the people around us...

2010-05-27T10:30:00.004-06:00

I think that every person should be forced to work the food industry at least once in their lives. I have people come into Starbucks all the time on their phones. No big deal, right? Except for when you ask them what they want and they shoot you that glare like you're interrupting their phone conversation. To make matters worse, they whisper their order to you so as to not disturb their conversation which of course is always life or death.

I think we forget who is behind the counter. I know it is easy to think, 'They work here so they must be __________ uneducated, can't find anything better, without experience…' fill in the blank. But do you realize that in the time I've worked at Starbucks, I've met single mothers who are putting their two children through college, working two jobs and are going to school? I've met people who have degrees, have worked high paying jobs, managed big business… you name it.

Why am I telling you all of this? I want to tell you a story about my friend Patricia and how someone made the effort to know her. I met Patricia 3 years ago my first time around at Starbucks. She had just transferred from California and had very little. From day one, I knew we would be good friends. I soon found out that Patricia was a new believer and really desired to grow though it was hard in this new environment where she knew no one. I did what I could to get her involved and to minister to her before I left for Ecuador. Just yesterday, Patricia and I went out to lunch to catch up. I found out she was going to Bent Tree Bible Church and loving it. As I inquired as to how she started going there, she told me about one of her customers. The customer had taken the time to get to know Patricia as she came in every day. The week before Easter, she invited Patricia to go to Bent Tree with her. From the very first time she walked through those doors, she felt at home and so did her 5 year old daughter. Now it is her church home, she goes every Sunday, her daughters are involved in the children's ministry and Patricia helps out. Not only that, but she is meeting with a group of women who also work at Starbucks to have a weekly Bible study. I don't know who that customer was who began to minister to Patricia, but God used that to advance his kingdom.

We are all creatures of habit. We like to sit in the same seat at church on Sundays, go to the same check out at the grocery store, and the same Starbucks, so why not see each of those places as opportunities to love people to Jesus? Jesus calls us to go out into all the world, so how are you treating the world that is directly around you? Do they see Jesus in you or just someone holding a cell phone?

It's still about Jesus...

2010-05-23T22:53:00.005-06:00

What is the easiest comment to give any problem: Trust God. We throw this comment around like it is easy to say and to act upon, but in reality, this might be the single hardest thing we do every day.
I'm going to try right now and be real; not shiny, plastic, have-it-all-together Christian, but the real deal, I-struggle one who struggles to do what is right even when I want to!
Just the other day, I was telling my sister that we shouldn't freak out about wedding things, because they were so temporary. God even gave me an illustration: High School Graduation. As I was sitting at Baccalaureate I realized, I've been out of High School for 10 YEARS and it feels like forever ago. When I hear the kids say, "we finally made it" and "the next decisions of our lives are going to impact the rest of our lives," I just smile remembering the stress we all went through... the right grades, the right scholarships, the right school, the right graduation party... you name it, it all had to be RIGHT because THIS is the most important time of our lives!! But is it?
Fast forward 10 years and we are at a new stage of life: Getting married. And all the sudden I find myself worrying and stressing and planning. I need the right dress, the right place, the right food, the right people and all of the sudden we are back in high school again trying to keep up with our friends and make ourselves LOOK important.
This morning I heard Matt Chandler preach from Colossians 3:1-4. One of the things he said stuck out to me: We are so consumed with how God needs to fix our problems that we don't see the people around us and how simple our problems actually are (or something to that affect!) As we sang the next songs, I just reflected on how glorious our God is... that its not about me or my problems, but God STILL cares about them. Its like the Psalm that says, "He who forms the hearts of all, who considers EVERYTHING they do." He knows and understands us and the things we do far better than we know ourselves!
In all this goodness, you would think this "knowledge" that God had bestowed on me would work itself into my actions, right? God blessed me with something little and stupid, the dress that I loved for my wedding. Not only did he give it to me, he gave it to me on a silver platter... $200 off the original price! As I drove out to Mesquite to get it, I told God that if he wanted me to have the dress, it would be there. But if it wasn't than I knew he had something better. Oh, how spiritual I sounded in that moment... but just seconds later as I put on my perfect, "fits me like a glove" dress, my countenance changed as I realized my perfect dress was stretched out and not able to be ordered. Did I do what I had been learning all day? To trust God... NO. I freaked out and panicked and said, "WHY GOD!?" I am embarrassed even as I write it knowing that my life should be more important than a dress and my trust in God should last longer than it takes to try one on. At that moment, all I saw were my "big problems," not God's provision. For some reason I thought, 'THIS time God is going to screw me over. I knew his grace and provision for me was too good to be true.'
My sister brought me back to reality, prayed for me and off I went all the way across town to look at another store... in that 40 minute ride it took to get there, the Lord spoke to me, "This is part of your story... let me use even the dumbest and most trivial things to bring glory to myself. I consider everything you do." And I honestly believe that all this junk was to get me in the car for that long so that I could worship the Lord and sing, "So may the words I say and the the things I do make my lifesong sing bring a smile to you..."
And what did I find at the store? My dress waiting for me... why do I doubt? May he be given glory for even the smallest blessing. Though sometimes I loath the moments I fail, I am overjoyed that he calls me worthy to learn these truth, even if it is the hard way.

How it happened...

2010-05-17T21:50:00.010-06:00

Due to the massive amounts of response, I’ve decided that it is time to tell the story… how did Steven propose?
Before I say anything else, I want to thank Jesus for bringing me the most amazing man I’ve ever met.
It all started exactly 8 years ago, when a much younger, inexperienced Jamie met a dark, handsome, Mexican-looking man at a college party. We immediately hit it off until he misunderstood my question, “What school DO you go to?” and thought I said, “What School DID you go to?” The answer was “The Colony High School” and my heart sank, being semi-grossed out that I thought a high school boy was cute. Much to my surprise, he was actually 21 and at Texas Tech.
That is when our friendship began… six and a half years later, we started dating. God is the only one who can take credit for the amazing story of how we got to this day: the day he asked me to marry him…
My birthday is in two weeks, which in Dallas means 120 degree weather, so Steven told me he wanted to do my birthday picnic a couple weeks early. We agreed that Sunday would be a good day and after church we headed off to the Nature Preserve, our favorite park. We had everything… good food and appetizers, sparkling cider (since I can’t drink because of the meds I’m on!), and chicken Caesar salad (chicken that he grilled at 2am the night before!). The day was beautiful and it was perfect. After that we walked around for a while looking for the perfect two trees to hang the 2-person hammock I bought him for valentine’s day. What I didn’t realize was that he had already scooped out the perfect spot. He proceeded to hang our hammock and we spent the next couple hours just hanging out.
At about 6pm, he said we should go up to this lookout and take pictures (our favorite thing to do), on the way over there he was telling stories and I was laughing. What I didn’t know is that he was talking really loud so that Allison, my roommate would know we were coming, so that she could hide in the bushes and take pictures of the whole event! When we got to the look-out, we started taking pictures and waiting for the sun to go down a bit. There was a girl on the bridge taking pictures by herself and she asked if we wanted her to take our picture. I politely declined… little did I know that this was actually Holly, the fiancé of one of Steven’s friends. He eventually convinced me that a couple pictures from her would be a good idea.
He put his arm around my shoulder and I caught a glimpse of something sparkly out of the corner of my eye (see picture to the above). At the same time, I could feel his heart race. I was confused. She took the picture. Steven bent down like he was tying his shoe. As the words, “What are you doing?” come out of my mouth, he held up a beautiful ring, told me he wanted to spend his life with me and asked the four words I’d been dying to hear, “Will you marry me?”
A million times yes. There are so many cliché things people say about the one their heart loves… but for me they are all true. He is the one who brings joy to my eyes and a smile to my lips. He is a man that I have trusted and respected from day one. He is the one who takes care of me, loves me when I’m unreasonable, but overall, loves Jesus the most. We have seen each other through good times and bad. We’ve been together through laughter and tears. I don’t know how I could ask for anyone better… than my best friend.

Dates have not been set, but we are tentatively looking at the weekend of December 18, 2010! We'll let you know asap...

Daddy’s Shoes…

2010-05-11T09:12:00.003-06:00

No one has to teach a little boy to put his dad’s shoes on. No one has to tell a little girl to don her mom’s heels and fumble down the hall like a runway model. It all comes naturally. The desire to be like their parents is built in. How do we lose that as we grow?
Jesus has called us to be his disciple; to take up his “yoke” (teaching), leave behind everything and follow him. In word, these things sound so simple, but living it out is a different story completely. These are big shoes to put on… ones that don’t seem like they fit that well. But if we truly want to be like our Father, we must slide our little feet into his big shoes and follow after him. But as we take the first step, we get tripped up, “What if he asks me to TRULY give up EVERYTHING?” He is. “What if he asks me to step outside of the things that JUST effect me and step INTO someone else’s life… someone I can’t control?” He is. “What if I fall?” You will. But he will not leave you alone. As a parents finds joy in their small one following after them, so your Father delights in you.
Yesterday as I was getting ready to go to work, I read Psalm 30, “When I felt SECURE, I said, ‘I will not be shaken’… but when you HID your face, I was dismayed. Hear, O Lord and be merciful to me; O Lord, be my help. You turned my wailing into dancing; you removed my sackcloth and clothed me with joy, that my heart may sing to you and not be silent. O Lord, my God, I will give you thanks FOREVER.”
And the Lord showed me, once again, “You need not be SECURE, you need to TRUST me.” Begrudgingly, I started work at 9:30 in the morning. At about 10am, I prayed turn my wailing into dancing, and an overwhelming sense of joy flooded over me. For the next 7 hours, I have never felt so at peace and with so much energy! I kept telling my coworkers, “I am in SUCH a good mood!” The last hour, I began to feel very tired, but still a joy that I could not explain rushed through my veins. He continually reminds me that he desires to walk WITH me; that He smiles as he watching me put on these big shoes and tromp around. The thing I always forget is that HE wants to put on the shoes and CARRY me as only a Father can do.

Anxiety...

2010-05-03T17:13:00.006-06:00

"If only..." Two simple words that can cause you a world of hurt...
Your list could look something like this: If only I had a job. If only I DIDN'T have a job. If only I had money. If only I had MORE money. If only I had a house. If only I had a BIGGER house. If only I had a husband. If only I DIDN'T have a husband. If only I had kids. If only I DIDN'T have kids...

Not two weeks ago, I sat on this couch "If only I had a job..." and now I'm wondering how to juggle a job and all the random "events" I have that keep me from work. As I thought about the flights, the bridal showers, dresses and weddings, I found my breathing begin to shallow and my heart rate go up. Discontentment had begun to swallow me whole. The poisonous "What ifs" float to the front of my brain and anxiety wraps its slimy fingers around my neck. Before I know what is going on, BAM, I am in full fledged Worry Mode: mind reeling, chest hurting, breathing inhibited.

So what just happened? I forgot. "Do not be anxious about anything. But in EVERYTHING by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God and the God of peace will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus."

Last night as my heart beat wildly out of control, I sat down wondering whether or not Jesus wanted to hear my stupid problems. How is it possible that the God of the Universe cares about a flight? Or a dress? Or a silly job? In that moment I heard his gentle whisper, "Jamie, what do you want? What have I NOT done for you?" I started rolling all of God's goodness over in my mind... he gave me a job without much effort whatsoever. He found me a box spring and a frame for $20. He turned a $20 donation into $200 back into my pocket. He gave me the opportunity to start a Bible study. He gave me all green lights on the way to work when I was running late. He pours out rain on the grass to make it green. So, what are you complaining about? The job he has given you? The wonderful friends he has put in your life? The ministry he gives you every day? I think the "with thanksgiving" is the KEY to the not being anxious part.

Maybe instead of saying, "If only..." I'll start saying, "Only if you go with me..." The God of peace promises to be with us.

Calm in the midst of the storm...

2010-04-24T11:06:00.005-06:00

“Be still and know that I am God.” I do not sit well nor am I good at being still. So when God told me to be still for the week instead of looking for jobs and trying to figure out what I am doing next, it made me crazy. As I was reading in Matthew the other day, he gave me this:
After Jesus fed the 5000, he went away to a place to pray and be alone. He sent his disciples ahead of him and it was during that time that a fierce storm arose to toss them about the sea like a toy boat. He went to them… walking on the water. What did Peter do? In his hast to know that it was Jesus, he asked for the impossible. “Tell me to come to you on the water.” He received the answer that was the one he wanted and dreaded at the same time, “Come.” So he went, stepped out to do the unimaginable and in doing so was faced with his biggest weakness, his own fear. He barely had a chance to get out, “Save me!” than Jesus was there holding on to him, putting him back in the boat.
I felt like emotionally, I was having the same battle. But instead of waves, they were people. And I, like Peter must stand in the midst of them rushing all around me. There was an inward struggle of wanting to just run with them, but a gentle voice that whispered, “Be still.” I felt them around me, nudging, pushing, shoving… all moving forward and me standing still. Finally, I would throw my hands up in complete frustration and scream out to Jesus, “Save me! I can’t do this alone!” My eyes were opened as I looked down to see his arms wrapped around me. I saw his bruised and broken body covering mine. When I felt a small nudge, Jesus was actually taking a deep blow in my place. I thought I was getting pushed around, but really he was taking the painful beating. Through the noise and chaos, I heard his gentle voice whispered in my ear as his arms were covering my fragile self, “I will not, I will not, I will not in any degree leave you helpless, nor forsake you, nor relax my grip on you, assuredly not.”
My word from Jesus through all of this: Enjoy this time of calm, because pretty soon I’m going to call you to jump into the sea.
I think that time has come… it’s good to know I’m not alone.

To commune with the lover of my soul...

2010-04-13T08:41:00.003-06:00

How often do you do it? Once a week, once a month, the first Sunday of every 3rd month? It might just be something you take for granted... thinking its nothing too important or meaningful. In the past 2 years, I've only had the opportunity to take it three times. So as I heard the call to Communion on Sunday morning, I could not slow my rapidly beating heart.
As I thought about the words spoken, "Do this as often as you drink it in remembrance of me..." my Lord drew me to communion with him; not just on Sunday morning but every time my body is sustained by a piece of bread or my thirst quenched by a drink of water. This is what my Father is doing for me each time I commune with him. I am allowing His broken body to keep my earthly broken body moving forward until the day He calls me home. I am letting His blood quench my thirsty and dry soul.
This Sunday, unlike any before, as I chewed slowly on a small piece of bread, I asked the Lord to be the One who sustains my life every moment of every day. As tears mixed with the juice from this small cup, I asked that He would refresh me and give me a deeper thirst for him.
Jesus, thank you for drawing us to commune with you. Thank you for not leaving us alone and in our own filth. Thank you for your cleansing power and making a way for us to be with you. Thank you for WANTING to commune with ME, O Lover of my soul!

Peace in the face of death...

2010-03-22T14:58:00.003-06:00

In the past two days I have been overwhelmed at the prospect of death and the peace that ONLY Jesus brings.
George rode 83 miles on his bike less than a year ago on his 83 birthday. Today, he has a hard time keeping track of time due to a brain tumor that has ravaged his body. Yesterday, George described to me what it was like to have a helmet on your head as radiation pumped mercilessly in. "I laid there asking Jesus, who can I bless? Who do you need me to forgive? What do you want me to do?" Tears sprung to both our eyes as he shared, with joy on his face the testimony he has been to the doctors and nurses that have treated him. "Everyone deserves to hear a clear presentation of the Gospel of Jesus Christ." In the face of death, George smiles... neither afraid to die nor anxious of the life he lived.
Ann-Brit, his beloved wife is a testimony to me of a woman who will serve her husband at any and all costs. "Through all these years we have so enjoyed a closeness that has come with both having the same passion for the Lord and people and love of life .... I had a wish list of what I wanted my husband to be like .... George has so exceeded that list." After 24 years of marriage, the love between them is so apparent. George leaned in real close to give me the secret to marital bliss... "Now here's what you gotta do. When you wake up in the morning and his hair is all messy and his eyes are half open, you gotta say, 'WOW! I am so lucky to have a husband like you! Today is sure to be a great day!"
This is the life they lived, in love, laughter and the Lord. As they talk about George's illness and the possibilities of things to come, you see a peace come over them. There is no sense of anxiety or nervousness, only the peace that passes all understanding and the joy that one day they will spend eternity together, as best friends in the arms of the Father.
Today, my parents' friend shared with us the loss of his 7 and a half month old unborn son. I was surprised at the calm way he described laying the small coffin in the ground. "I knew that this was just a body in a box. I knew that he was with the Lord. So I told the Lord, I want you to be glorified!" As he stood over this small hole, he bowed his head to pray with his wife's family who are not believers. He grinned widely as he said, "The Spirit of the Lord came over me. I don't even remember half the things I said... but Scripture has never poured out of me like that!" As he finished, a peace came over him and it was known by all those watching. His brother-in-law commented that he had never seen anyone pray like that before.
Peace that passes ALL understanding... Oh death, where is thy sting??

Rantings of a jetlagged lunatic at 4 in the morning...

2010-03-15T04:26:00.005-06:00

Well, jet lag is about to kill me. I guess it's my own fault since I took a 3 hour nap yesterday. Oops. I decided that this was the best time to start telling stories about what God did in Asia. For those of you who didn't know, I have been in Asia for the past 2 and a half weeks and during that time, Jesus began to heal me.
For the first week, Allison, my parents and myself taught a group of pastors, singles and widows. If I'm going to be honest, I was not really looking forward to this trip. I had been traveling, living out of a suitcase and generally being out of place for the past several months and adding one more trip, with more living out of suitcases and jet lag didn't sound good. I had planned the trip 6 months ago, so it was a little late to back out now. But can I tell you that Jesus just knows. His timing is not delayed nor is it out of place. It comes at just the right time, when you need it the most. During that time, I saw 4 singles ladies, ranging from age 19 to 51, open up their hearts and share their struggles.
Dorcus, 19 years old, was by far the shyest, and getting her to talk was like force feeding a 2 year old. But we just keep encouraging her, asking her questions and loving on her. When the time came for her to share the things she was struggling with in ministry, it was as if the floodgates had been opened. "I'm only 19 years old, I have no experience, most people don't want to listen to me. I feel discouraged. How do I get people to respect me? My parents are both sick, how can I provide for them? My father isn't a believer, how can I help?" As I heard her pour out her heart, my heart broke for her. How do I even begin to answer these questions? Anything I said, any explanation I gave seemed inadequate. But she didn't need my words, she needed to be heard... to know that Jesus had no forgotten her, that her cries had not fallen on deaf ears. So that's what we did, we encouraged her with the truth and listened to hear heart's cry.
Dorcus is just one or many women that are living in a difficult situation; wondering how to get respect, how to provide for their needs and those around them, how to truly teach the youth of today, and a cascade of other problems and questions. These women inspired me. They reminded me that its not about me, my problems or my issues, but its about Jesus and what he can do with nothing.
I don't know how to explain to you what happened next, but the Lord did something in me. I haven't been able to sit in one place or call anything "mine," so I haven't really been dealing very well with reverse culture shock. I've been crabby, angry, sad, miserable, you name it... but through this trip, the Lord revealed to me my immense inadequacy, and his continual adequacy in every and any situation.
He has flooded my heart with his truth and has begun to heal my heart from the loss that I felt leaving Ecuador. Even at 4 in the morning, I want to scream at the top of my lungs, "Your GRACE is enough for me!"

I'm afraid... Jesus, do you care?

2010-02-19T11:58:00.006-07:00

New experiences always come with new fears for me. Before I left for Loja, I wrote out my top three biggest fears. Here they are:
1. What if I can't learn the language? What if I can never communicate my heart with the people I am there to minister to?
2. I am going to miss my family and friends so much. What if I feel completely alone every day I am there?
3. (Here's the dumb girl fear) By the time I get back from Loja, I will be almost 28 years old with absolutely NO possibility of boyfriend, let alone marriage. What if I have to do this alone for the rest of my life?

After I wrote these, the Lord spoke to me and said: I am all you need.

Now, two years later, I want to share with you how he answered each one of these fears.
1. I'm not going to lie and say that the language learning was easy. It wasn't. One day I would feel completely sufficient in my Spanish and the next day I felt like I couldn't even say my own name. But you know what? God had me start a Bible study in Spanish two months after I got there. Every week when I walked through those doors to meet with those three girls, it was as if the Lord turned a switch and my Spanish was more than sufficient to do what he had called me to. We would study His Word and I would understand and be able to respond to about 80% of what was said. The interesting thing is that He didn't make my Spanish wonderful and easy all the time... most days I would have to rely on him completely for every word that came out of my mouth, but when I was doing Bible study or sharing the gospel, it was there... so that I could share my heart.
2. At the beginning, I shared Jesus with the people of Loja because they were my "ministry." But over the months, they became so much more. I shared Jesus with them because they were such dear friends that I cannot imagine spending eternity without them. I spoke the truth of the Word with them because I loved them, not out of obligation. I can try and communicate the depth of love I have for my friends there, but mere words will never do it justice.
What does family mean to you? To me they are the people who love me no matter what, who take care of me, who will fight for me and I for them. By this definition, my family lives just as much in Loja as they do in the States.
3. This is one that I thought was too far beyond the power of the Almighty... if that's possible. But Jesus did the impossible and brought my friend of 7 years to Loja to minister along side of me. This man encouraged me, listened to me, supported me and was my best friend for the past year. Who would have guessed that the man I want to spend the rest of my life with was walking beside me for so long?

The same God who said, "I am the bread of life. I am the good shepherd. I am the way, the truth and the life," also said to me, "I am all you need." I didn't know how He was going to answer the scariest questions for me, but he did. One by one, He took care of them. One by one, He calmed my fears and said, "I am... and that should be enough."
Now my new adventure is so open it's scary. I am going back to Dallas and asking, now what?? But even in this the Lord is saying, "Give me your fears. I will answer them one by one. Fear not, for I am with you."

Out with the Old, in with the New...

2010-02-12T10:43:00.003-07:00

As we sat on the balcony at 12:01am on January 1, 2010, all you could see up and down every street were bodies being kicked and burned. Before you freak out, let me explain. It is an Ecuadorian tradition to make "Old Years"... these are dolls dressed and made to look like YOU. At midnight everyone bring their "Old Year" out on the street to kick it, saying, "All the junk that happened last year is done... its over with and we are looking forward to something better next year." And then to seal the deal, they light the Old Year on fire and everyone jumps over it, not just once, but THREE TIMES!
Of course, we had to join in on the tradition and make a Jamie Old Year, light her on fire and jump over her (see picture above). As we saw all the fires up and down the street, I thought to myself... 'This is a picture of the Old and New Man." Like it says in 2 Cor 5:17 "If anyone is in Christ he is a New creation; the OLD has gone, the NEW has come." We say, "All the junk that happened with the old man is done... its over. I am a NEW man." And the more I thought about it, the more I realized that this is what Jesus wants from us, to kick that old man... to burn him... to say to Satan, "Sin has no hold over me! Jesus has taken it away!"
I know its February and its been a while since New Year's resolutions were made, but maybe its time for you, for me to say I am done with the way of the old man. I am a new creation in Christ. I will jump over that burning old man and live life expecting the Lord to do something amazingly new in me in 2010.

Bread and wine or coffee and bagel?

2010-02-07T22:53:00.003-07:00

Over the past 2 years, I can count on one hand the amount of times I have taken communion at church. As I sat in church this morning, I started to get excited as I saw the communion table set before the congregation. In Dallas I went to a church that took communion every Sunday and that is something I desperately miss; a time to just quiet my heart before my Creator, to think of His death and gift to me, to be silent and commune with Him.
I smiled as I held the "communion bread" in my hands... I'm not exactly sure who makes it at my church, but it has been the same every since I was a kid. It's like a moist biscuit that has been dipped in honey. And as I think of it, that is how commune with the Lord should be... something you look forward to. And then it hit me... what do I look forward to the most every morning? Hearing the whirl of blades as the smell of freshly ground coffee awakens my senses before my body even knows what's going on. What is the most common thing that I do every morning? Drink my coffee. As I think back to Jesus' day, I realize the most common thing they did was eat bread and drink wine. He could have said 'Every time you eat turkey and drink sparkling apple cider..." but that was not common. He wanted them to remember him ALWAYS. Every time that they broke bread together, every time they sat down to share a cup, He wanted them to think of His sacrifice for them. So why have I confined communion to Sunday? Why does it only come out when I'm sitting in a pew? Why do I not see communion as every time I come to COMMUNE with my Lord... and that happens mostly over a cup of coffee, not a small sip of juice?
I want to not just remember the Lord's death when the pastor says its communion Sunday, but every moment of every day... because that's how often His grace keeps me. His blood covers my insufficiency today as much as His broken body saved my soul yesterday. May I always be eternally grateful and communing with Him whether its the "allotted time" or not. Does he commune with me more when I'm holding a small cup and wafer rather than a cup of coffee and a bagel? You tell me.

Saying goodbye...

2010-01-31T19:53:00.002-07:00

I wrote this several months ago for a very dear friend of mine…

What do you say? I mean really. You can say you’re sorry. You can say they are in a better place, but when it boils down, you have very little to actually say. So what do you do? You do. You make food, you clean the house; you make sure they are as comfortable as possible. But still, there is a loss and there is nothing you can do to hide or change it.

Is it worse to say your unborn baby has died or that you still have to give birth to him? Today I watched my friend begin to mourn and it broke my heart. Yesterday I was talking to her stomach saying, “Com’mon baby wake up! Listen to your Aunt Jamie! I can’t wait to meet you.” And today I’m holding her as she tries to understand why this little life was cut short. I can’t totally put my finger on why I was so affected by this whole situation, but I just want to say death is so unnatural. People say… ‘Ah yeah people die. It’s part of life.’ But its not! It’s not part of life. It’s death. It’s part of the curse. Jesus never intended for it to be this way. He never intended to have suffering and death. But this is what we did. Our sin caused death and this causes pain. This little one is up in heaven hanging out with the Father who knew him from conception… but we are down here asking why. He has no problem with what happened but for some reason we are trying to rationalize with ourselves how we could have changed or not changed the situation… but really it comes down to this: from the womb we were known and every day was mapped out. For this little one, Jesus only gave these 6 months of life for reasons we cannot understand. For you, you may die tomorrow or not for 50 years. But one way or another that last day comes for all of us.

That day to say goodbye was today and right now as we speak, his mama is doing the hard work of giving birth to him. But instead of tears of joy, a baby screaming and congratulations all around, there are tears of pain, sweet goodbyes and people trying to figure out what to say. My friend is so brave. She said to me today before she went to the hospital, “I don’t know if I have the strength to do this.” As I held on to her and tried to think of what to say or do, I heard my mouth whisper, “You don’t, but your Father does.”

When I got the phone call that said it was all over, my heart dropped. When I walked into her room, she reached out to me and I held on to my friend as she whispered in my ear… “It was a boy. His name is Gabriel.” Tears began to stream down my face as I realized that the little box I had passed on the way in was him. There are never the right words nor the right response… I think I’m just going to follow the example of Jesus, “Jesus wept;” so I too will weep. I will not weep over where he is, because I am more jealous than sad, but I will weep that we won’t get to watch him grow up to be the amazing man of God I’m sure he would be.

Vivi, I am sorry friend. I am sorry that you have to go through this, but know that you do not go through it alone. Your Father has strong arms to hold you. Gabriel, I look forward to meeting you one day… until then, give our Daddy a big hug for me will ya?

Do you know how much you mean to me?

2010-01-25T13:07:00.003-07:00

Sitting in the Miami airport, I looked over at Steven and said, "What am I doing here?" I looked around and felt like a foreigner. Nothing seemed familiar and worse yet, it didn't feel like home. I hadn't been out of Ecuador for 12 hours, and I was ready to head back.
The plan was to head for Charlotte and then go visit Brookwood Church (the team that came out to do a short term mission) for the weekend. As we got off the plane in Charlotte, the feeling had not changed. In fact, I think I was more ready to go back to Loja. We quickly shuffled off the plane and headed towards baggage claim. On the way, we started wondering if there would be a SIM person to pick us up. (I was secretly kicking myself for not bringing someone's number!)
So there I was.. not wanting to be there, wondering if we'd get picked up, and tired. As I was looking around for my luggage carousel, I caught a face that I recognized walking toward me. It was Becky from the Brookwood team. No sooner had I recognized it was her that I was surrounded by arms. Dave, Becky and Kyle had driven an hour and a half to be our welcoming party. Becky said, "When we came home after 8 days, the airport was filled with our family and friends welcoming us home. And we wanted to be here for you." I don't think they will ever know how loved I felt. We pulled up to Daniel's house in Greenville to find 15 more people waiting to love and welcome us home.
You guys will never know how much this weekend meant to me. You have given me another home.

3 crazy nights... good thing I have a big God!

2010-01-15T15:57:00.003-07:00

I have more stories from 2 and a half weeks with my little sister than I´ve had in the past 2 months. In that time, we were in Loja, in the jungle, in Quito and on the beach. We met all sorts of people and watched as the Lord took care of us every step of the way. All that to say, I have to tell you about the three craziest nights of my life.
When Janna and I got to Atacames, I had no idea where to get off or where to go. So I decided to ask the man in front of us. This man not only told me where to get off, he got off the bus with us. He then proceeded to catch us a taxi, tell the man the name of our hotel, tell the man he better take us directly there and tell us the exact amount to pay. He then got back on the bus to go wherever he was going. I think he was an angel :).
But that´s not where the crazy nights begin. They begin later. We walked around looking for a good place to stay and found what we thought was a nice place, paid the man and went in. Appearances can be decieving because that night a party started across the street that sounded like it was IN OUR ROOM. Seriously, I wouldn´t have been surprised to see the bartender IN our room asking us what we wanted to drink. Needless, the party did not stop until 3am. Ahhh... finally sleep. But then at 7am, construction started in the room next to us, in the hallway and in the room above us. It was time to leave.
So we went and looked for yet another place to stay. The people there weren´t that friendly, so when we found a very friendly hotel owner with a little mom and pop type hotel, we took it. He promised it wouldn´t be noisy. Aaah sleep... nope a party started next door and lasted until 6am.
But the next night, he PROMISED that we would have no noise... so we stayed. At midnight some kids who were staying next door started partying outside our room so I politely (ok, maybe not so politely) told them to shut up. :) At 6am, my sister wakes me up... I turn over to see the hotel owner KNEELING NEXT TO OUR BED! I sat straight up and proceeded to bombard him with questions as to why he was in our room. It was the strangest thing ever... he stumbled over his words like he was drunk or something and finally got out that our door was open. (I have gone over this part a million times and I am 99.9% sure that I closed that door... but ever if I didn´t!? What the heck was he doing in our room?!) I told him to get out of our room and we quickly packed up and left.
As we sat in the most expensive hotel in the place, we stated talking about what happened and my sister had the most insightful thought... we are very well taken care of on a normal basis. Our dad is amazing and would fly half way across the world if we were in trouble. We also both have amazing men in our lives who would bend over backwards to make sure we are taken care of... but in this moment none of them were there. They could not do a single thing to keep this situation from happening. BUT we have a BIG God who is our amazing Father who takes care of us when no one else can. Praise God for his protection on our lives...

An Unexpected Guest...

2010-01-10T15:28:00.002-07:00

As most of you know I am traveling around Ecuador with my sister. We have had all sorts of adventures so far... including but not limited to: realizing that we only had $150 to last us for a week and my debit card was expired so we had no way to get more; 2 parties 2 nights in a row in 2 different hotels that kept us from sleeping more than a couple hours; and angels from every corner helping us out in every bind and situation.
I want to tell you one story of what ifs...
My friend Andrea, who lives in Quito so I have not seen in FOREVER came by Loja 2 days after I left to go on my trip. Steven just HAPPENED to be in the building when she stopped by so was able to get her number and give her mine.
When I went through Quito, I texted her, but got no responce. Janna and I decided to hang out in Quito that day and go to a coffee shop, walk around town, see what we could see, eat lunch at a new place and so on. After a couple hours, I still had not heard anything from Andrea. We decided we wanted to go see a movie and so started to walk to the trolley. On the way to the trolley, I ran into Andrea. This sounds like such a coincidence, but you have to understand Quito is the size of Dallas... you dont just run into people downtown. And here is the kicker... she lost her phone the day before, so there was no way we would have hooked up if we would not have run into each other! We ended up having a coffee together, seeing a movie, hanging out and I got, probably my last opportunity to share the gospel with my friend. She told me that she has been praying a lot lately and I encouraged her to start reading the Word and going to church.
When Janna and I got home at 1:00 in the morning, we started talking about all the What Ifs...
...IF we had decided to go see a movie in the afternoon, we never would have been downtown at that time.
...IF we had not have eaten the food we ate, we would not have gotten sick and had to stop so many times before leaving the downtown area (yes, there is a good slant to even bad deals)
...IF we had not have stayed in the coffee shop so long, we never would have seen her.
...IF we would have walked down ANY other street, we would not have met her.

There are a million IFs... but the Lord coordinated each and every step. Do you know how awesome it is to be the daughter of the God of the Universe!? What is impossible for man, is possible for God!

It´s MY RIGHT!

2010-01-06T13:14:00.003-07:00

You never know what is going to happen when you get on a bus in Ecuador... here is my most recent story from my trip to Tena with my sister...
When Janna and I got on the bus, we got stuck in almost the very back... right next to the bathroom GROSS! Anyway, we had window control (very important since Ecuadorians always like to shut all the windows and kill you with lack of ventilation!) so that made life better. Janna opened up the window and it was wonderful until we started going and then it got freezing cold. So I told her to shut it a bit... and she accidentally slammed it all the way. Then she had to heeve and ho (how do you spell that!?) to get it open, but then it was ALL the way open again. By this point we were laughing so hard that she was having a hard time shutting it. This went on several more times before we got it to be normal. With all the laughing I realized I had to go to the bathroom. I pulled on the door and thankfully it wasn't locked, but as I stepped into the bathroom I realized the door wouldn't really shut... so I had to go to the bathroom while holding the door shut. This was not a problem until I had to pull up my pants... that was quite a feet. Anyway, once I got out of the bathroom and sat down, I realized that the bathroom door would swing open every time we turned a corner... open and shut... open and shut. I noticed a nasty napkin on the floor that I figured it must have been holding the door shut so I wedged it between the door and the frame, which seemed to sufice. Not 5 minutes later another foreigner decided, since I went to the bathroom, she could as well and down went the napkin. As she left, she didn't have a care in the world that the bathroom door started opening and slamming shut. So again, I picked up the napkin... anyway, this whole ordeal went on for a good 30 minutes and several passagers later.
Then all the sudden a family comes on the bus and there are no seats... so she decides to sit on my armrest... which we all know means that she was IN my seat. I almost asked her for the $3 (half of my seat) since she was taking up at least half of it... if not more! But I decided to be gracious and not say anything. Needless, 30 minutes passed and then she sat on the floor with her head in her hands. If you don´t know what this position means, you haven´t been with me when I have to stand up on the bus. She was getting sick.
I have to interrupt my story for a moment to tell you of another bus story on the way home from San Lucas a couple of weeks ago. I had this exact situation where I decided, even though it was culturally inappropriate, to sit on the floor or else the woman in front of me was going to have throw up down the back of her neck. A woman to my right tapped me on my shoulder and told me to take her seat. I tried to refuse, but she insisted that she would sit with her daughters. What I didn´t realize at the moment is that her daughters were two full frown women.
As I sat in my comfy chair on the way to Tena, the Lord told me to give up my seat. I said no. I said it was my seat and I paid for it... it was my right. And Jesus told me... you have no rights... you are who you are and where you are because of me. So reluctantly, I handed over my seat and sat in Janna's lap for the next hour and a half. Jesus pours out his grace on me every day... its time for me to give up my rights for his glory.

A time to be proud...

2009-12-31T11:41:00.003-07:00

When I got to Ecuador, I decided that I wanted to go to a church that none of the other missionaries went to. The church I decided to go to was a difficult one for me. There are many Sundays that I don´t agree with what is preached and to be honest, it is a constant fight to stay there and see it as my ministry.
For the past 2 years, I have tried to encourage the youth leader to see outside the walls of the church, which was also his desire. The problem was, it was not the desire of many of the church leaders. Trying to convince them to do an ¨outreach¨ was like hitting your head against a brick wall: you get nowhere and it´s more pain than what it´s worth.
Yesterday all my prayers and desires manifested themselves in the form of an awesome event that my church put on called, ¨Gracias Dios¨ (Thank God). I was amazed at the quality of music, theater and preaching that was presented last night in San Sebastian Plaza. They got OUT of the walls of the church and got IN with the people. Tears blurred my vision as I saw the thousands of people watching the Lord glorified as they presented HIS WORD instead of our church. The name of chruch was not even mentioned until the end of the program. I almost cried as the pastor said, ¨This is not about any religion. This is about glorifying Jesus who is the Son of God and Savior of the world.¨
In the 2 years I have gone to church here, I never would have guessed that this day would come... but it did. And I was bursting with pride as I saw Jesus lifted high above any church name or single person. Gracias Dios for allowing me to see fruit from this church you have put me in!

If you didn´t have a tree, would you still have Christmas?

2009-12-24T14:24:00.004-07:00

If you didn´t have lights and Christmas carols, would you still have Christmas?
If you didn´t have snow and cold, would you still have Christmas?
If you didn´t have presents and twinkling candles, would you still have Christmas?
If you didn´t have commercialism telling you to buy stuff, would you still have Christmas?
If you didn´t have sweaters with ugly blinking trees... oh wait, everyone wishes that that would just stay away from Christmas...

The reason I ask all of this is because I don´t. Yep, that´s right. As I walk down my very normal street, I see people going about their normal business. When I leave the grocery store, I don´t hear the friendly ¨Merry Christmas¨ nor is there snow. Instead I am wearing flip flops and t-shirts and hearing the normal sounds of techno blaring from a nearby car. Is it still Christmas? I wish I could say YES... Christmas is in the heart, not in the presents or the decorations, but instead I´m going to be honest and say it doesn´t feel like Christmas.
But one thing it is, it is time to celebrate... why? Not for the trees or the lights but because many years ago God decided that it was time. It was time to give up his very precious Son so that I could have eternal life. As the clock strickes midnight tonight, I won´t be with my family like I have been for the past 26 years, but I will be thankful because Christ came so that every year I have had and will have can be lived for his glory.

Merry Christmas from the other side of the globe... may Jesus show you what Christmas is all about.

Christmas... bad timing

2009-12-19T08:57:00.000-07:00

I am a big planner. I like it all planned so we can have the least amount of stress as possible. But there are always those little bumps... that sometimes look more like huge mountains.
By now, most of you know that I love to tell stories... things that happen to me or people around me. This morning I was reading Jesus´ story; how the whole thing got started. And I started thinking about Mary. I don´t think she was very much like me.
BUT if she was, I think Jesus would have ruined her Christmas. I think her thought process would have gone a little like this:
1. I just got engaged! Why did God have to chose NOW to do this whole virgin birth thing. Do you know what he´s going to say?! This is not going to be pretty.
2. I´m about to pop. There is no way I am going to Bethlehem just because Ceasar thought it would be a good time to take a census! A donkey? Really? Give me a jet plane and I´ll consider it.
3. Of course, we have to come to Bethlehem on the busiest day of the year. And, of course the baby decides right NOW is the time.
4. A stable? Hay is itchy and I don´t want the first thing my child sees to be a cow.
God, this is the worst timing ever! I want my warm bed, my mom´s help, and my home town.

When you think about it, it looks like the worst timing ever. But in reality if it weren´t at that appointed time in that specific place, prophecy would not have been fulfilled.
How many times do I complain that things are not according to my calendar? This Christmas season, may we stop seeing things as inturrptions, and start seeing them through God´s eyes... as Divine Appointments.

Do you want the gum?

2009-12-09T10:47:00.000-07:00

On Saturday I got the opportunity to share with my youth group for the first time. If you know my story at all, you understand that speaking to a bunch of teenagers is nothing new to me. I’ve been doing this for a long time… but it was my first time to do it in Spanish. I had it all done and ready to go… I had 4 people read over it and correct it… I had read it a ton of times and was as ready as I would ever be. But, as usual, I was still nervous.
Something very unusual for me is that that nervousness didn’t go away… it stuck with me until the moment I finished. During the whole deal, I was sweating so bad, I had to brush my hair back because it was actually sticking to my face!
But it was a great time. It’s amazing how true it is that the Lord loves to use our weakness to show his strength. Hold on, I gotta back track for a second. I also felt this type of nervousness when I baked my first thanksgiving turkey a couple weeks ago. Its one thing to do something like that for your family who has no choice but to love you, it is something completely different when you do it for 15 people you don’t really know. I finally told God, with the turkey and my message… Jesus, it is all you. If this turkey/message flies, I will give you all the glory because it is you and you only who did it. If it doesn’t, I’m blaming you as well. 
As I was in worship before I got up to speak, I was talking to the Lord about my nervousness… he didn’t take away my nervousness, but he did give me something…. I realized that I didn’t have one of my classic illustrations that I always use and He gave me an illustration that worked amazing with my message. The Lord used what I had… in one pocket I had a piece of gum; in the other $10. In the middle of my message I called a kid up and said, “I have a present for you. It’s a piece of gum (and I held out the gum). You can either have this gum or you can have what’s in my other pocket. I’m not going to tell you what it is, but I am going to tell you it’s good. The question is, do you trust me enough to believe that I want good things for you?” The cool thing is that the kid actually thought about it for a second… but in the end picked the pocket present and got $10.
I think about how that has been God’s question to me time after time… “I have such good plans for you, but are you going to trust me enough to believe that I want good things for you? Would you rather have the thing you can SEE now or wait for my best later?”
I’ll take the $10 over the piece of gum any day… and like I told him I would, I give Him all the glory for all the good that happened that day and every day.

The people who have shaped me…

2009-12-02T15:40:00.007-07:00

No one knows you better than the people you live with. Why? Because they see you in your pj’s with buffy eyes after crying and love you anyways.
I have had the privilege of being known and loved by some of the most amazing roommates I could have ever asked for. Each one of them has become a part of my family and each has left their mark on my life. This is my tribute to them.
When I met Candace, I thought she was crazy. My first impressions were right. Her craziness makes her extremely unique and one of my favorite people to talk to. I just found a note that she left with a plate of cookies for me the day that I got to Loja; just a little word of encouragement and welcome, even though she had only gotten here 2 weeks before. Candace and I lived and worked together for an entire year without killing each other. When she left I felt like a part of me was missing. Thank you friend for your love and acceptance.
Now when I met Nicole, I thought she was quiet and timid. Nicole comes off as being very put together and slightly quiet. Boy, was I wrong! Nicole is really one of the weirdest people I know. She loves to laugh, take pictures, be her in her pj’s (which have different levels… you cannot leave the house in 1st level pj’s but you can in 2nd tier pj’s because they are more like sweatpants) and has the biggest heart for people. Collie and I lived together for a year and a half and she probably got to see the worst part of me. She was my “go to” person when I was losing my mind over the management of El Sendero. She always let me talk, rant, cry or laugh with a knowing and compassionate look. I could not have done the past year without her. Only you know how much I miss and appreciate you.
Those two probably got to know me the best because of the length of time we spent together, but there were others who I desperately love and appreciate. Kate and Gabi were the first two I lived with. They taught me so much about laughter and joy. No one can forget my roommate that stuck out like a sore thumb in Ecuador, Erin (long blonde hair, blues eyes and pale skin) with her infamous quote, “I hate milk in a bag!” And my most recent roommate, Britney… I met B when she came with a short term team, and she ended up coming back for 3 months and staying with me. I saw her grow and change into the most amazing woman of God.
When Britney and Nicole left in October, I realized how much I couldn’t have done the past 2 years without each and every one of the above ladies. Each one of you has shaped me into the woman I am today and I am eternally grateful for your friendships and love.

Turkey in Ecuador...

2009-11-29T18:33:00.004-07:00

My mom has a million and one traditions... for birthdays, Christmas and yes, Thanksgiving. One of them is inviting a whole bunch of people over and we all have to write in a book the thing we are thankful for that year. I used to think all my mom´s traditions were quite silly, but the older I get the more I appreciate them. So this year I decided to carry on her tradition.
It started with talking to Adam and Emily, from the peace core about their plans. When I found out they had none, a plan began to form in my mind. I pitched the plan to Steven (another short termer) and Jessica (a Christian who works with World Teach) and we were all in agreement to have a big thanksgiving dinner for mostly the American populatoin here in Loja. My numbers started at 7 and before all was said and done we had 16 people sitting down together to share our 11 kilo (24 pound) turkey!
During that time, I had everyone do my mom´s tradition and write down what they were thankful for and it blessed me to hear that they were thankful for El Sendero and the comfort it gave them away from home and for the thanksgiving dinner to share with people who understood them.
We made some awesome connections and friendships are in the process of forming. So this thanksgiving, I would say I am thankful for the opportunity to minister to, not just Ecuadorians but anyone the Lord would put in my path.

To be seen…

2009-11-23T10:11:00.002-07:00

My little sister is probably my favorite person in the world. She sees people that no one else sees… she always has. Ever since we were kids, she has seen the lonely, the poor, the hurting while everyone else walks by, whether purposefully ignoring the situation or in blind ignorance. She came to visit me here in Loja last May and even then, she saw someone I didn’t… a lowly woman begging on the street corner (see blog… )
Since then, I have gotten more than one opportunity to love on and speak with this woman. The problem is, she has no teeth and is very difficult to understand. Yesterday I ran into her again in front of our supermarket begging for a few coins. When I saw her, I gave her a wave and there appeared the biggest toothless grin you’ve ever seen. As I began my side of the conversation, she began to ramble on in incomprehensible babble. I just held her hand and shook my head, feeling quite bad that I understood very little of what she said. I promised to come back in just a moment with something for her from the grocery store.
When I came back out with bag in hand, she gave me the look my grandma gives me when she hasn’t seen me for a long time. It’s the look of sheer joy as she held on to me. I knew she was grateful for the food, but I think she was more grateful that someone SAW her. She asked me if I could bring her a picture of me the next time I come and I told her I could do one better. I squatted down next to her and we took the above picture.
This morning my Bible reading was in Acts where Peter and John had their own run-in with a man begging in the temple (Acts 3:1). Peter and John were going to the temple to worship, not to heal someone, but they did not discount an opportunity to show Jesus’ love. “Peter looked straight at him, as did John. Then Peter said, ‘Look at us!’… ‘Silver and gold I do not have, but what I have I give you. In the name of Jesus Christ of Nazareth, walk.” Tears blurred my vision as I read the story thinking of my little lady. Jesus offers her something that no one else does… to be SEEN and known by the Creator of the universe.
It all started because my sister came down for one week and saw someone I may never have seen. I can promise you that this woman’s life is different because of it. Please pray that she will see how the Healer of all things wants to heal her heart, not just her body.

Pray and watch it happen…

2009-11-18T13:49:00.001-07:00

Andrea is 24 years old and a single mom. Her son is 6 years old. Her dad is the pastor of my church. As she relayed her story of an 18 year-old telling Christian parents she was pregnant , she told me that her family was really supportive. But that no one really understood her struggles as a single mom: trying to raise a child by yourself, being lonely, wondering if you’ll ever find someone who will love you and your child. It’s even difficult in the church… It’s not like you fit into the “Women’s Ministries” at church because you’re still in your 20’s without a husband, just a kid. But really you’re no longer a “Youth” because you have a CHILD and responsibility. This is when we started talking about the idea to start a single mom’s ministry. She got so excited about the idea of having a place where moms can come, take a break from their kids, find people who understand their struggles, and a Savior who relates to their every need. Since then, I have posed the idea to several single moms that I know and each one has responded with joy and a few tears.
When I was in Bolivia the desire grew to start this ministry. Since then, I’ve realized that I probably won’t be the one to start it, but I do want to be the one to start pushing it.
This week, there is a counseling conference on how to minister to single moms and teenage girls. I knew that Andrea would be the perfect person to go, but I could not get a hold of her. Last night at El Sendero I told the Lord, Look I don’t have the time to go and find her, but I really feel like YOU want her to be at this conference… so you’re going to have to bring her here. At 9:00, she walked in the door. I jumped around like a little kid, I was so excited. I told her about the conference and she was so excited! She’s not only going to come, but she’s going to bring her friend who has the heart for the same thing.
This idea is the Lord’s. It’s exciting to watch him grow and sustain it. Pray for Andrea and other women that the Lord is going to bring to start and sustain this ministry. It has very little to do with any of us… just pray and watch it happen!

Scars: something to be hidden or shown off?

2009-11-16T10:09:00.001-07:00

Have you ever compared scars with someone? I have some weird and funny stories to go with my scars. For example, the crater I have on my left big toe. This is one of my more recent scars from our beach trip to Peru. My toe got run over by a huge rock in the ocean and then got a whole bunch of sand stuck in the heart-shaped crater, so we had to dig it out with tweezers. All that trauma on my toe made it sensitive for at least a month and its still there 3 months later!
Scars aren’t just outward… each one can point to their emotional scars and express how their heart has been wounded. I was thinking today about my decision to take on the management of El Sendero last year. I remember very vividly, Jesus telling me that I would leave scarred, but that he would put me back together. It scared me to death to think how those wounds would come. Looking back on those 8 months, I can examine each cutting word, each time my pride was broken down, each friendship changed or lost, each tear that was shed, and each time I said I was done and couldn’t take one more step forward… each scar. But each one of those scars reminds me how Jesus carried me and put me back together.
“Don’t we constantly expect people to heal from life’s beatings and lose their scars? I’m somehow comforted to know that Christ still has his.” – Beth Moore.
As I think on Christ’s scars, I realize that the reason they are so important is that we are reminded what he went through for our salvation and our scars are important so that we can remember that we are never too broken that he can’t fix us.
Thank you Jesus for my scars; reminding me constantly of MY inadequacy and YOUR sufficiency.

How often do you get to witness something this beautiful...

2009-11-08T13:15:00.002-07:00

A couple months ago one of the girls at the cafe and I were talking about hearing the voice of God. She´s been a believer for a while and was expressing frustration about not being able to hear his ¨voice.¨ ¨Is it audible? Or is it just something I feel? How do I know that if I follow it, it will be good?¨ We talked about how the Lord speaks through people, circumstances, his Word and prayer. She still walked away a bit frustrated with how to hear Him. So I challenged her to tell the Lord that she was willing to be obedient and wanting to hear from Him.
Today as I was walking home from church I ran into my friend standing in an open doorway. As I waved hi from across the street, she called me over. I saw in her hand a large bag of food. With a trembling voice she said to me... ¨The Lord keeps putting the little man who lives here on my heart. I felt like I needed to bring him food, but I don´t know him and I don´t if he is going to accept my gift. Will you ask with me?¨ As the little man came to the door, my friends quivering hand held out the bag of groceries as her little voice said, ¨I know you don´t know me, but I feel like I´m supposed to give you this food. God bless you.¨ As we walked away she began to cry. ¨The Lord has been putting that man on my heart for a week. Thank you for sharing this moment with me. I guess that´s what listening to the voice of the Lord means...¨
I write this story with tears in my eyes knowing that the Lord is moving in this girl´s life causing her to not just be a hearer of the Word but a doer.

A New Normal…

2009-11-05T09:19:00.002-07:00

Before I left for Ecuador, I was talking to one of my friends about all the things I was freaking out about… mostly Spanish to be real honest! And he told me, “Don’t worry. It’s just a New Normal.” I just gave him that ‘I have no idea what you are talking about’ look. And he said, “Look, think about all the times you started something. How nervous were you the first time you stepped into Starbucks on your first day of work? And now its no big deal. You could do it in your sleep.” He had a point. At some point in every stage of life there is a New Normal. Something that is New right now but by the time you leave it, it’ll feel as Normal as breathing.
Today I bought my ticket to come back to the United States and I was having a hard time breathing. People keep asking what I am planning on doing once I come back and to be honest I just don’t know. There is nothing I am feeling extremely passionate about doing and to be honest, that scares me. But just last night I was reading my journal from when I first got here to Ecuador and I actually had a good chuckle. It was all so NEW; learning Spanish, making friends, living in a foreign country. I actually wrote: I am so proud of myself. I walked home all by myself today. Now it feels so normal, I think of it LESS than I think of breathing! It used to be a new that scared me to death… but now it’s my life that I’m having a hard time leaving. Moving back to the States feels like I’m starting all over again… with the new. Hopefully one day it’ll feel normal again.

Maybe it’s time to stop being a saint…

2009-10-28T17:18:00.002-06:00

A Sunday morning is such a good time to just sit and listen. I think about what Jesus said… the Sabbath was made for the man, not the man for the Sabbath. SO last Sunday I didn’t go to church… yep I’m a heathen. My favorite place in the world on Sunday mornings is on the roof of my house. There isn’t anyone in my house. All the good church people have already left for church and all the rest are sleeping off their hang over (hey, I’m just being honest). All that to say, this Sunday, I went up on the roof at about 10 in the morning and as I sat down to have my time with Jesus, he told me to listen. I decided to write down all the things I heard… here’s my list:

Birds singing (2 different kinds!)
Church Bells
Wind through the trees
Hammering
Door slamming
Cars racing down the street
Honking
Fireworks
Engines roaring
Water rushing
Dogs whining
Music blaring

If you were to sit on your roof, I’m sure you’re hear something different, but no matter where in the world you are there is noise. Whether that noise is coming from within or without depends on who you are and where you’re at. Either way, the Lord is probably trying to speak to you the same way he was trying to speak to me…Slow down, close your eyes, listen, be still, be silent. Allow me to speak. I love you. More than you can comprehend, imagine or dream. My love goes beyond yours for your family, ministry or significant other. What I say I love you more than life itself, they aren’t just words, I proved it by doing just that… laying down my life ALL FOR YOU.
Maybe you, like me need to spend some time being a heathen… stop doing things FOR God and starting getting to KNOW God.

Too much luggage...

2009-10-21T11:10:00.002-06:00

A team of 15 from Brookwood arrived in Quito on Thursday, October 8. I couldn’t help but jump for joy when I saw them! That night as I laid in bed, I also couldn’t help but mull over the details of the following days in my mind, including how to get SO much luggage on the next flight without getting charged $200. This is something I had been mulling over and trying to figure out for the past couple of weeks. I thought… well I could send Daniel to the counter because he doesn’t speak any Spanish, so it’ll be so frustrating to them that they’ll just let us through. But then I thought that was pretty mean to the people at the front desk and to Daniel! OR I could just pretend I couldn’t speak Spanish… but then I figured that was a little deceitful.
As I laid there, the Lord said, Walk up to the front desk, put down all the passports and let me handle the rest. I thought I heard him wrong. There is no way it could be that simple.
The next morning before we ever went into the airport, I got the team together and said, “Look guys, we have about 20 kilos over each person… so we’re just going to have to pray and let the Lord do the rest.” We prayed, walked in, and I set the passports on the counter. The lady behind the counter marked each piece of luggage with weight and everything. Every single bag was over and we had about 3 extra bags, on top of 3 guitars and a keyboard. She handed me the tickets and said, “Have a good flight.”
That was it… all my fretting and the Lord already had it all figured out. Sometimes the simplest answer is best one.

A dead fish over chicken and rice…

2009-10-19T17:31:00.000-06:00

This weekend after the team left, I got to spend a few days in Quito resting up from the 8 days of ongoing work. One night as we were walking home from dinner, we saw the same lady we had seen going to dinner sitting on a little wooden plank. My heart broke for this woman and we decided to go and buy her a little dinner.
My heart was bursting with joy as we offered her chicken and rice… my heart broke as she scowled and refused the offer. I asked her if maybe her family would like it. Through gritted teeth she said, “This is all my family needs,” as she pulled out a dead, gross fish from under the board she was sitting on. We walked away with a wonderful dinner as she sat there clutching her old fish.
As we walked down the road, it hit me… this is all of us. Here is Jesus offering beautiful, delicious grace, but we would rather cling to our own way of doing it. Instead of graciously accepting the free gift that he offers, our pride makes us hold onto our works and what we can do to “earn” our own salvation. Oh how it broke my heart to walk away from this women… but just a block down was a little boy, Joe begging for food. He hungrily and excitedly accepted our small offering. As we walked away he called out to us, “Chau!” I turned around to see the biggest smile I have ever seen and a little hand stretched out to the heavens waving emphatically.
“Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of God belongs to such as these. I tell you the truth, anyone who will not receive the kingdom of God like a little child will never enter it.” – Mark 10:14-15

Today I went to court....

2009-10-07T22:29:00.000-06:00

Yep… that’s right. Today was cultural experience #197302. Here’s how it all started. In June my roommate Nicole came back from band practice with a black eye and no saxophone. She was supposed to play that weekend and was walking home after practice with the guys from the band. A car full of guys jumped out and one of the guys grabbed her sax. If you know Nicole at all, she is the most laid back person you will ever meet… UNLESS you try and steal her sax. My sassy friend fought her little heart and got a nice little shiner for her trouble. As they drove off, a friend of hers pulled up and they all jumped in the car and had themselves a nice little car chase in Loja! It turns out the guys got caught at the bus terminal trying to rob some other lady. What does all this have to do with me you ask?
NOTHING… except that we had to go in and testify that the sax did indeed belong to Nicole.
Yesterday (3 month later!) I received a phone call asking for Nicole. I explained to them that she wasn’t here and the man explained to me that she had to be here to testify. I then explained to him that she couldn’t because she was living in a different country and not coming back. He then informed me that I had to go in AGAIN to say that indeed the sax belonged to Nicole, even though I had already done that 3 months ago.
All that led up to this morning when Colin, Steven and I (the “witnesses” to Nicole’s sax) had to go in and testify in front of a judge and in front of the guys who robbed Nicole. The entire time I was completely nervous thinking that I wouldn’t understand the “formal” words, but it turned out to be quite funny having to stand up with my right hand up saying that I would tell the truth in Spanish (first time I’d ever done that in English or Spanish!) and explain why Nicole no longer lived in Ecuador.
Yeah… as Steven put it, I think we’ve now been through every cultural experience that there is… funerals, robberies, weddings, baby showers, and now the judicial system. Oh the life I lead :).

Miracles keep happening...

2009-09-28T12:19:00.003-06:00

In about a week and a half I have a team coming from Greenville, South Carolina... Brookwood Church. I love these guys and I am super excited to see what the Lord does with them this year. I think back to last year when I didn't know them yet. The Lord must have given Daniel (the leader of the group) an extra measure of grace when he was told a 26 year old was planning his trip... thanks for believing in me Daniel! And now I think about this year and I can barely contain my excitement!
Here's why: normally the planning is the most stressful part of any trip. As I was sitting at the bus terminal in Bolivia, I started thinking about everything I needed to do to make it happen. I had in my head that we would have a big concert in San Sebastian (the plaza in front of El Sendero), but as I sat and prayed about it, the Lord said NO.
SO... I started brainstorming with Jesus of all the things we could do. When I got back to Loja, I was talking to Colin about one of my ideas to have a concert in the Tecnica (the Catholic University). Several people had told me that there was no way I was ever going to get a concert there, but as we talked about it, the Lord brought to my mind my friend Matt. Matt is an English guy in charge of the English conversation club at the Tecnica. I decided he would be the perfect person to talk to... and 5 minutes later he walked in. We talked for about 4 hours about all SORTS of stuff and he said he would love to help me out. I was thinking that maybe we would be in a back auditorium or something and before I knew it, he asked me... "How does 11am in the cafeteria sound?" First of all, the Tecnica is Catholic so the fact that they would LET us in is a miracle. Second of all, the cafeteria is RIGHT in the center of campus. Third of all, 11am is right in between everyone's classes when they hang out! I was not expecting THAT to say the least.
On top of this miracle, the Lord has BROUGHT the people I need to talk to into the cafe as I was working. One day I needed to talk to the pastor of one church and the youth pastor of another church... that evening they BOTH came in within 30 minutes of one another. He has provided people to cook, bake and show the team around. He has provided translators and speakers without me even raising a finger.
The Lord has provided opportunities I could never have imagined and people I could never have asked for! Seriously, I CANNOT wait to see what's going to happen...

4 Months from TODAY...

2009-09-21T22:31:00.003-06:00

Today is September 21st... Four months from today I will be making my way back to the United States. To be honest, it scares me even more than coming here in the first place. I think back 2 years ago when I was getting on the plane and I am just amazed at how the Lord has chosen to use me. I CAN'T BELIEVE IT!?
In honor of the time the Lord has given me here, I would like to share something that happened this weekend. Those of you who have kept up with me will remember my friend Leydi. I met Leydi about a year and a half ago and since then the Lord has been working in her life. For the past 8 months or so, she has showed absolutely no interest in the Bible, the gospel or anything in between. That is when the Lord told me to back off. I have shared the gospel with her, she knows the truth but has no interest in hearing it. The Lord told me to love her, pray for her but to stay back until she was ready to move forward.
A miracle happened this week. She came to the cafe to let me know she is pregnant and she is getting married in 2 weeks. But bigger than that, she said that while I was in Bolivia she tried to call me... she wanted to go to church with me. I almost fell off of my chair. I told her I would love to have her come with me to church next Sunday and we've agreed. It's a date.
I have known the Lord is at work in Leydi's life since the moment I met her... I have prayed for her, with her and have asked you to do the same. I am asking once more that during this time of change, the Lord would move in her life in a mighty way and that she would come to know HIM as her Savior.
As I think about saying goodbye to Loja, it makes me want to cry... but I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that the Lord brought me here for many reasons and that His Word does not return void.

If he says pray, you PRAY... if he says run, you RUN!

2009-09-13T19:19:00.003-06:00

What would you do if the Lord asked you to do something weird... that was my dilemma many times during my trip to and from Bolivia. I will give you two examples...
Number one... I had arrived in Santa Cruz at 2 am where I was warmly greeted by an immigration officer wanting $135 from me for a visa ONLY because I was a US citizen. After I had paid, he told me that he could not put the visa in my passport because I did not have a blank page in my passport. After much pleading, he put it in the back (though he informed me that he shouldnt have). After a goodnight sleep, I spent the day with Debbie and Graham Frith, SIM missionaries who started El Alfarero (one of the reasons I went to Bolivia). At 3pm, with plenty of time, we got in the car to make the quick 20 minute trip to the airport. When I arrived there, the man behind the counter informed me I was at the wrong airport and there was no way I was going to make my plane. As we ran back to the car, I began to pray. I only had 3 and a half days in Sucre to get to know the cafe and if I missed this flight, I would only have 2 and a half days. Graham informed me that we would try but it was pretty much inevitable that I would miss my flight, seeing that the journey across town was 40 minutes. By this time it was 3:15 and my plane was leaving at 4:00.
As we sped along the road, the Lord told me to pray, and not just to myself, out loud. Mind you, I had just met these people a little more than 12 hours before. But the Lord would not let it go, so I asked them if it was ok and I prayed... more like begged the Lord to make it possible.
We came barrelling into the parking lot and I jumped out of the car as Debbie grabbed my suitcase. I saw a sign that said, Must be checked in 20 minutes before the plane takes off... I threw my passport down on the counter and said, "Please tell me I made it." The man looked at his watch and said, "You made it by 2 MINUTES." Thank you Jesus.

Story number two... on my way BACK to Ecuador, I had to change flights in Lima, Peru. I only had one hour to get to my next flight and when we landed in Lima I realized the flight was a bit late, so really I only had 45 minutes to get to my next flight. While I was waiting for everyone to get off the plane, the Lord told me "Run." And I thought to myself... really?? I still have a bit of time, I will be fine... not to mention, I am going to look like an idiot running through the airport. But he kept speaking to my heart, "Run." So as soon as I got off the plane, I started to do my fastest speed walk I could. Everyone around me, as suspected, looked at me like I was crazy. As I rounded the corner for the security check in, I looked behind me and saw a plane full of people coming from a different direction, delaying the people on MY plane for who knows how long. I barely sqeeked through security as the line went from 10 to 200 people. WOW... I should listen to the Lord more often, dont you think??
I seriously am amazed at how the Lord took care of me on this journey... from big things to small things and everything in between he watched out for me. Thank you Jesus!

Motobike experiences in Bolivia...

2009-09-02T08:59:00.003-06:00

Mari told me that we were going to go around to the different pueblitos around San Ignacio to visit the mission churches that the Jesuits started. That sounded like an awesome adventure to me, but then she said, "Can you drive a motorbike?" So "drive" is a pretty strong word... my dad taught my sister and I how to drive a motorbike before I left for Ecuador, but I never thought I'd actually use it, especially not driving the crappy roads in Bolivia! Thankfully enough, Diego, another guy that was with us offered to try his hand at it, though he had NEVER driven one. Needless to say, this left me very nervous and holding on for dear life.
We started our little adventure at 9am, with the Bolivian sun beating down on us and mosquitoes hitting us like the front of the windshield. It was quit an adventure to say the least... and this is where the Lord began to speak to me.
For the first hour, I was having a heart attack... the roads were horrendous and I thought we were going to die at any moment. All I could do was stare at the bumps and holes in the road and pray, 'Please Lord, help us to get back in one piece.' But then the Lord said to me, why are you so consumed with the road? You're not driving. You're either going to trust the driver or you're going to get off. If you trust the driver, it means you can look at the amazing view around you and leave the driving to him." I realized that is like my relationship with my God... I am a control freak and more days I stress about next to everything going on, but the Lord was trying to say to me, "Do you trust me? Do you trust me to drive you in good places? Do you trust me to have your best in mind and keep you safe no matter what the path in front of you looks like?" So as we drove down that dirt road, I began to just trust and take in all the scenery. Can I tell you the journey was much less stressful. So now, I just need to apply this same principle to my life... trusting that my Driver will take care of me no matter what the road in front of me looks like.

You can know all the right words and miss the point entirely…

2009-08-23T09:10:00.001-06:00

It’s interesting how I meet people here in Loja. I met Jason, a fellow American through a series of Peace Core volunteers and English teachers. He loves coming into the café for a good chicken quesadilla and tiramisu. I think it makes him feel at home. Because Jason likes coming in, he also brings in a lot of friends, new peace core people and people just passing through. Last week he brought in Lucy and Claude. They are also Peace Core workers working with an indigenous community outside of Riobamba. When they came in, they asked about the café and I told them it was mission run, which seemed to satisfy their curiosity. They ordered pie and chocolate cake, which Susi, one of our employees brought out to them. They began to ask her questions about El Sendero and us as Evangelicals.
She excitedly came up to me to tell me about the conversation and suggest me talking to them since they are native English speakers. I left the kitchen excited and wondering about what to say. I sat down with them and did what I thought Jesus would do… I asked questions. Who were they, what did they do, and what they believe. I got a charade of answers including their interest in Christianity because of the community they work with. This indigenous community used to be Catholic, but because of some slightly greedy priests, they were turned off to Catholicism and turned on to Jesus by a group of Christians who came to their village. They told me how Jesus changed these people’s lives… from the way they treated their families to their work ethic. THESE PEOPLE are what peaked the interest of these two! Who would have guessed that the Lord would bring 2 people all the way from the States to be ministered to by a community of Christians living in the middle of nowhere in Ecuador!
They went on to say that they used to be Lutherans, but then some 10-20 years ago had a spiritual awakening and became Buddhists. They pray to Buda or any other person that they look up to that could possibly help them on their journey. They believe that all paths are correct. Claude told me, “We believe in Jesus, but not that accepting him as your Savior is the only way to God. He was a good man that we should model life after.” It intrigued me that these two knew the “right words,” and yet it did little to penetrate their hearts and lives.
They continually said to me, “As a Christian you believe… but as Buddhists we believe…” After they had finished telling me their story and I had finished asking my parade of questions, I said “You keep saying, ‘As a Christian you believe…’ so can I share with you what I actually believe?” They agreed and the Lord proceeded to use my mouth to speak the truth of His Word. I tried to agree with them on any point I could, and yet not shy away from Jesus being the Only way.
Remember Jason? Yeah, he was sitting there this entire time pretending to read a magazine, but I know that he heard every word. I was trembling, more out of fear than the cold that pours over Loja every night. One thing I didn’t share about Jason… he is gay and really has no desire for things of the Lord. So as I shared the truth with these two Buddhists, I prayed that the Lord would also move in Jason’s life.
After I had finished, they thanked me for the food, said they would come back if ever through Loja and left. I know the Spirit of God was there. I know that this was a God-ordained moment… whether for Lucy, Claude or Jason I don’t know… we’ll just have to wait and see!

Joy in the Midst of Chaos

2009-08-10T22:37:00.001-06:00

I never thought I would have this problem… TOO many people helping!? This past 2 weeks, Verbo youth group has been helping us out in order to raise money for their camp that is coming up. Luis and Vivi, a missionary couple for Ecuador and Peru have also been helping. I’ve also had a ton of younger ones wanting to help out because they are on vacation. On top of all that, our weekly volunteers are also coming in. Friday, I had 7 volunteers, plus me and another short-termer and 4 employees… needless to say, our kitchen was FULL!
The blessing comes when I get to have conversations like I had with one of our new volunteers, Kathy. She goes to my church, but I hadn’t met her before she stepped into the café to be a volunteer. She stands at about 5 feet and has the sweetest disposition one could ever ask for. She is one of eleven siblings and has been raised her entire life in the church. After hearing a little bit about her life, she asked me how I came to know Jesus… and I told her that I too was raised in the church and accepted Jesus as my Savior at age 5, BUT that my relationship with God did not become real to me until I was 15 years old. I told her about how I went to church out of habit. As soon as I started to tell my own story, I could see her get excited. “YES! That’s me! I’ve been going to church all my life but it’s only been as of recently that I’ve decided that I want to draw close to God and make it my own.” We talked a bit more about how important the Word of God is. As we talked about it being God’s love letter to us, I could see it connect in her mind and her face beamed with excitement at the prospect of knowing God intimately.
Because of the abundance of chaos in El Sendero this week, I wasn’t able to take our conversation too much further, but it is exciting to see how God has united our two hearts because of the story he has given us both. I am so excited to see what God does in and through Kathy… a young girl on a search to know the heart of God.

Goodbye to yet another awesome friend...

2009-07-29T14:31:00.002-06:00

I hate it when people leave. I mean seriously, you just get to know someone and decide that you like them OH SO MUCH and then they leave. Boo.
This is a goodbye to my awesome friend Holly. She has only been here two months but has been a blast and a blessing to be around. With her little Spanish, I have seen her jump head first into culture, friendships and ministry. She was the one who brought Melissa and Tabitha to be such good friends and who was always getting us to do something strange. She was a great addition to our Bible study and a huge help to the Cordero de Dios youth group. She made people feel at home in the cafe and was a bright star showing off Jesus' love. She is now off to her second year of college and my prayer is that the Lord blesses her richly in all she puts her hands to. Even though I have only known her several months, I can already see that her heart for the Lord is BIG and that he is going to do BIG things in and through her life.
Holly, thank you for sharing your life with us. You will be greatly missed. I love you friend!

A year and a half down... 6 months to go

2009-07-21T11:44:00.002-06:00

It feels like just yesterday I was writing my struggles of moving to a foreign country, learning a new language and making new friends. A year and a half later, Ecuador feels more like home than anywhere on earth. It is so easy to go through life pleading with God to "do something" and then forget to thank him when he does. So I want this to be a time to look back and remember some of the key moments the Lord stepped in for me this past couple years.
I remember May of 2007 when I had just stopped working for Prince of Peace, was working at Starbucks and felt like my life had no direction. I clearly remember telling the girls in my Bible study that I was probably just going to die because God didn't have a plan for me (dramatic, I know :)). When I finally decided to let it all go and let the Lord do what he was going to do was when the opportunity came up to go with SIM to Ecuador and work in a coffee shop, the exact thing I really wanted to do.
I remember October of 2007 crying out to the Lord asking him what I would do if I could not converse with the people I so desperately wanted to minister to. I remember clearly that he told me to move forward into this abyss called "learning another language" and even if, by the end of 2 years could say no more than two sentences to someone, I was doing what he called me to do and that should be enough.
I remember starting a Bible study in the first 3 months I was here, even though I felt like my Spanish was like that of a 4-year-old. I watched as the Lord took my limited vocabulary and His Word to change the lives of the girls in the study.
I remember being asked to take on the managing position at the cafe. I remember telling the Lord I was not equipped for this... that my Spanish wasn't good enough, that I was too young, but the Lord told me to take it anyway.
I remember being asked to lead a short term team of a church I did not know for people who were twice my age. The amount of excuses I came up with as to why I COULD NOT do it are immeasurable. But again, the Lord took it, used them, used me and turned it into something beautiful. (I can't wait to see what he has for this team THIS year!)
As I write all of this, I smile to myself remembering the fear and doubt I felt in my heart each time the Lord asked me to do something too hard for me to handle alone. I smile because if it weren't for these hard times and difficult experiences, I wouldn't know the sufficiency of the Lord as well as I do today. Thank you Jesus for walking with me in the happy, sad and the difficult. A year and a half down, six months to go... may the Lord bring himself glory through my time here.

Did it get lost in translation OR did you just make ALL that up to fit in with your message??

2009-07-12T23:09:00.005-06:00

One of the reasons I started going to my church here was because of the lively worship and joy that they all seemed to have. I enjoy people who are not afraid of worshiping their God (this is my youth group on the right...)

BUT some days things aren't so right on when it comes to theology. This week we had a guest preacher who started off by telling us that we were going to talk about prayer and then spent the next 30 minutes talking about basically nothing as an intro. (Most people would be annoyed at this point, but this is just a weekly experience for me) The NEXT part was the part that really got me. He had us all turn to 2 Kings 13:14-20. If you haven't read this chapter recently go and take a look.
I read it to myself as he was rambling on about nothing again and thought, 'What in the world does this have to do with prayer?'
I'm not kidding, I was actually impressed that this guy could write his entire sermon and then randomly said "Hmm what chapter should I use? 2 KINGS!"
The chapter is about how Elisha is about to die and the king at the time went to get his last words of advice before he dies. Elisha tells him to take a bow and shoot an arrow through a window. Elisha places his hands on the kings as he shoots and then Elisha says, "The Lord's arrow of victory" and tells the king to strike the ground with the arrow. The king does it, but only three times and Elisha gets mad and says, "You should have struck the ground five or six times; then you would have defeated Aram and completely destroyed it." And then Elisha dies. (Really I'm not doing it completely justice... go and read the passage!)
Here are the points that our guest speaker had as he went through the passage.(It took notes because I was so impressed with how he got something that wasn't there!)
1. Crying is good as long as its real. Fathers listen to their crying children.
2. Bows and arrows are like prayers against Satan.
3. Pray is like incense that is a beautiful aroma to God.
4. The king did not have direct communcation with God, so the prophet had to help him.
Which means that we must teach new believers how to pray.
5. If you ask wrongly (meaning doubting and without faith) He will not answer your prayers.
6. Pray with windows open towards Jerusalem (he gave Daniel's example how he prayed 3 times a day, windows open toward Jerusalem).
7. Prayer without passion does not have power. If you do not hit the ground (like the king struck the ground with the bow), Satan wins.

Here is the thing with some of these points... they are not necessarily WRONG. Yes, we must teach new believers how to pray. Yes, prayer is how we fight against the Devil... but here is what truly saddened my heart. This man is taking any old passage of Scripture and making it say exactly what he wants it to say without any regard to context... and the people of the church are eating it up.

My desire for the church is Loja is that the believers in it would learn to study the Bible for themselves. I long for them to know the truth of the Word and that would set them free from legalism and fear. Please continue to pray for the pastors and believers in Loja, that they would peach the truth of the gospel boldly and correctly.

The Boy of Many Questions...

2009-07-06T18:22:00.002-06:00

David is Melissa (one of my employees)'s cousin. He is 14 years old and asks a TON of questions.
-What are you doing?
-Why do you do it that way?
-Why are you here?
And my favorite lead in questions...
-Why aren't you Catholic?
This question led is into lots of other questions.
-What's the difference between Catholics and Protestants?
-Do we have the same Bible?
-Why don't you pray to Mary?
All of these questions led to the Bible. We pulled it out and started answering his questions. We talked about how salvation was by grace through faith in what Jesus did for us on the cross and that there was nothing that we could DO that would be good enough to get us into heaven. We talked about how Mary was an amazing woman, but that a relationship with God was only obtained through Jesus Christ. He nodded along like he understood all this, though still thinking it was quite unbelievable that I wasn't a Catholic.
And the final questions:
-What would I have to do if I wanted to be a Christian? Is there some ceremony you have to do or something?
I had to hold back a small grin at the last question. I showed him in Ephesians 2:8-9 how it says that it is only by grace we are saved through faith. And then we looked at John where it says whoever believes has eternal life.
All this was met with puzzled looks and a slight nod... then it was time for him to go. David still has a lot of questions, but one thing is for sure... he is searching. I love the passage in Jeremiah that say, "You will seek me and find me when you search for me with all your heart."
My prayer is that he keeps asking those questions and finding his answers in the Word of God!

You never know when it'll be your last...

2009-07-01T16:51:00.002-06:00

We were getting ready to leave for Cuenca on Friday night when Tabitha called me. “Jose Gabriel died.” If you don’t remember him from about a year and a bit ago, he was the kid that I listened to one day as he poured out his heart (If you wanna read the story from last year, click here). He told me about his family situation and how his dad had lived in Spain for more than half his life.
He had not just made friend with me, he had also made friends with Tabitha, one of the missionary kids. Last week Tab met with Gabriel and as they talked, she just laid it all out for him. He claimed to be a believer, but he just wasn’t living like it. Tab told me later that she had never been so blunt with anyone. She spoke the truth fearlessly into his life… and that was the last time she ever talked with him.
Gabriel’s friend, a fellow believer was the one who told me about the whole incident. He said that that conversation with Tabitha was the best one of his life. Gabriel said that she challenged him to get his life together and start living for Jesus. The Friday night before he died he told his friend that he had a dream that a man in all white came to him and said, “Don’t be afraid. Come to me.” His friend told him, “Jesus is calling you! Run to him!” But what he didn’t realize was that Jesus wasn’t just calling him to walk with Him, but to come home.
That Sunday night, Gabriel’s cousin went to his house looking for help. The cousin wanted to commit suicide and Gabriel was trying to talk him out of it. He was telling him how life was worth living. They were on the fourth floor balcony of Gabriel’s house when the cousin tried to jump. Gabriel grabbed him and while pulling him back grabbed an electrical wire electrocuting himself and vaulting him off the balcony. They rushed him to the hospital, but it was too late. He was gone.
As the girls and I were talking about what happened this weekend, we started praying for the cousin whose life was saved by Gabriel and I started thinking, ‘This cousin now has an obligation to live his life to the fullest because its no longer his, its actually Gabriel’s… which was taken from him.’
And then I realized that this was a new picture of what Christ did for me. He allowed himself to be killed so that I wouldn’t have to die.
Someone gave their life for you… its as if you are living the life that SHOULD have been theirs. You are not your own. You were bought by someone else’s life. Honor Him with all you are.
I think about Tab’s last conversation with Gabriel. She spoke truth deep into his soul. She held back nothing. I am amazed by her courage and the way she allowed the Lord to use her. You just never know when a conversation you how with someone will be their last. Make it count.

My only hinderance...

2009-06-22T15:51:00.005-06:00

Master-workman surely has the right to use any tool he pleases for His own work, and it is plainly NOT the business of the tool to decide whether it is the right one to use or not. He knows, and if he chooses to use us, of course we will be fit. And in truth, if we only knew it, our chief fitness is our utter helplessness. His strength is made perfect, not in our strength, but in our weakness. Our strength is our only HINDRANCE.
- Hannah Whitall Smith

Don't settle!

2009-06-14T19:44:00.003-06:00

At this moment, I have three very dear Christian friends who love Jesus that are dating people that don't (and several others that are considering it). I don't know if I can fully explain how burdened this makes my heart. They all try and tell me that that doesn't mean they won't MARRY someone who loves Jesus (and that this person is OPEN to God)... but its much more likely that they will end up with someone who does not point them toward Jesus. One of my friends who is in this situation had her 6 year anniversary of being a believer today and I just thought to myself... you DESERVE a man who loves the Lord with all his heart!
I have been struggling all week about how to talk to each one of them. I desperately want them to know the truth and at the same time know my love and that this is not coming out of judgment. I have too many friends and know too many women who are married to good men who don't love Jesus. Each one of them would tell you that every day they plead with the Lord for the salvation of their husbands so that they can serve the Lord together. THIS is what I don't want for my friends, though it is very common here in Loja due to the lack of strong godly men (and women)walking with the Lord. I believe it is one of Satan's biggest lies to Lojano believers: if you wait for someone who loves the Lord, you will be single forever! (Which is one of their biggest fears).
Please pray with me for my friends and the other believers in Loja who are settling for LESS than God's best for them.

I KNEW they would make good friends!

2009-06-08T18:33:00.002-06:00

When I first met Melissa, I didn't realize that she was only 17 years old because of her maturity level. She wasn't like most of the 17-year-old girls around here constantly screaming about some boy and breaking a nail. She has goals and dreams and desperately desires those to be met. This was definitely a different "type" of girl from the normal Lojana I am used to.
There is another girl that I know who is that same boat, Tabitha. She is a 16-year-old missionary kids living here in Loja who loves to play soccer and isn't bothered by stupid boys or petty drama. She has a heart for missions and desires to see people know Jesus. The problem is, that doesn't mesh very well with the 16-year-olds here.
Several months ago I thought to myself: 'They would make great friends!' And I kept trying to set up ways for them to be able to hang out, but it just never happened. Recently a super short termer named Holly came to visit and the three of them started hanging out constantly! They are becoming GREAT friends... Holly and Tab invited Melissa to youth group and to hang out after. This Sunday we started a Bible study with the three girls and Mesissa's counsin Anita. They all seemed to really enjoy it and are super excited to keep going in the book of John.
God continues to teach me that it is ALL in his time and his way. Melissa is moving closer and closer to a personal relationship with Jesus. I believe with all my heart that these girls will play a huge role in her coming to know Jesus. Please keep this little Bible Study and four-some of girls in your prayers. (Above Picture: Melissa and Tab are fighting over a game of spoons :))

Hope's here to stay...

2009-05-24T18:59:00.002-06:00

I am so blessed by my volunteers. I just think they are amazing. There are two girls in particular that I have become more attached to in the past month. Karen (on the right) and Valeria (on the left). Karen came to me from the English club. She wanted to practice her English because she is moving to the States in August. Valeria is a girl from my youth group who is best friends with Karen but has never shared her faith with her. Valeria decided that she was going to come on the two days that Karen helps me to build the spiritual side of their friendship.
This past week, in English club, my friend Paula was able to have a conversation with Karen about her relationship with Jesus and she stated that she just wasn't ready yet but she had been thinking about it a lot. And later that night Valeria invited her to youth group with us. She declined due to some homework, but we haven't given up yet.
Here's the even cooler part... Karen just found out that she is moving to Arkansas for her exchange program and will be staying with a PASTOR! She will be doing everything the family does, including going to church and being involved in youth group.
There are no such thing as coincidences. God has a plan that would blow our minds away if we truly understood the full extent of it all. Please join me in praying for Karen that she would accept Jesus as her Savior... if not here in Ecuador, in the United States. Pray that the family she is staying with love Jesus and would continue sharing the good news of the gospel with her.
THE LORD IS MOVING IN LOJA!!

Challenging Moments

2009-05-16T09:57:00.002-06:00

This is not the first time (nor the last time) that I have talked about Maria de los Angeles. As some of you know, she recently went to Bolivia to do her thesis. As many do not know, she had a hard time from the beginning. She was supposed to be living with the nuns in a convent and then decided that that would not be best for her spiritual walk and bailed out to live with the rest of the students.
This caused her problems on two ends… the nuns decided that they did not like her because she bailed and the students decided that she was a “nun” because she was supposed to live with them. This was just the first of many things that have happened to Maria in the past couple of months with the most recent being problems with the university she is working with. She was meant to go and help teach some of the poorer people in the area how to produce and sell their own food, but is currently teaching Biology and Chemistry instead. Needless to say, she is very frustrated and I received an email a couple weeks ago telling me she desperately wanted to come home.
Yesterday I was able to chat with her on-line and was overjoyed by what she told me. Not one of her circumstances has changed… she still doesn’t like her job and things are still very difficult, BUT because of all of this she has grown very close to the heart of God. She told me that HE has been the one sustaining her through all of this.
As I inquired as to what she had been studying (since there isn’t a Christian church in her city, to my knowledge) she said she was studying Romans and that she LOVED it. As we talked she asked about a passage in chapter 10 that was confusing her. I looked at the passage to see if I could shed any light on it, but found myself also quite confused. So we looked at it together and came to an answer… SHE challenged ME and I learned something new about the Word that I had never seen before. How awesome is that?! The Holy Spirit is teaching us both through his Word.
I miss her desperately (me and the girls took the above picture to show Maria where she “should have been” at a recent birthday party :)) but am so excited to see what the Lord is doing in and through her life. He has awesome plans for her there in Bolivia and one of them is definitely to grow closer to Him.

Manwellcito...

2009-05-11T09:00:00.002-06:00

Manwellcito… he hates it when I call him that. But I have grown to love this kid like he is my little brother. I have been amazed to see where God has brought him in the past few months. I don’t know if I can do his story justice, but I will try…
When I came back to Loja in January he was not doing good. My roommate Nicole told me that he had been drinking pretty much every weekend since Christmas. As you can imagine this hurt my heart. One night when we were all out, Nicole and I saw him pretty wasted and here was the thing that really got me: when I’m just hanging out with Manwell in the coffee shop he’s happy, laughing and fun. When he drinks, he is quiet and down. I thought to myself, ‘Why would he want to be THIS Manwell… I like the other one better.’
A couple months later he told me, “I feel like I’m always wearing a mask for people. I have to be this happy, fun guy when really I feel miserable inside.”
I remember one day looking over at the couches and seeing Manwell and Carolynn in a very intense conversation. Later on Carolynn told me that she has never been so bold with anyone. She just asked him straight up what he was doing and where he was in his walk with the Lord. She challenged him to read a book called, The Jesus I Never Knew by Philip Yancey.
It was amazing to see the transformation that took place in Manwell’s life throughout the next month. He told Nicole and Carolynn that he was afraid to be honest with God because God was so big and powerful. About a week after that we were talking and I asked him about that comment and he said, “I used to be scared to be honest with God… like I had to wear a mask for him too, but now I’m not. As I was reading that book I realized that Jesus can handle my junk.”
Carolynn just recently went back to Australia and Manwell told me, “If I was the only reason that Carolynn came to Ecaudor for the past 3 years, it was worth it because of how God has used her in my life.”
God is still working in Manwell’s life and it is amazing to see what He is capable. Keep praying for Manwell that he would know the amazing Jesus who desperately wants to know him.

Tag team...

2009-04-27T16:53:00.002-06:00

I met Fabían on a taxi ride home. I had just been with a bunch of my friends at a graduation party and they didn’t like that I was going to catch a taxi alone, so they sent Fabían with me. We started chatting on the ride home and I quickly found out that Fabían spoke English and wanted to practice. We talked about what I was doing here and where he learned English. As we rounded the corner to my house he said, “I really respect what you guys are doing here and I’m really interested in a relationship with God.” The words no sooner crossed his lips as we pulled up to my house. I quickly told him to please come by El Sendero so we could chat more. He promised to come to Faith Night the following night and I said goodbye.
The next night was Faith Night, which I never go to… but I was planning on going just to talk to Fabían. Well, as it happens, I was sick that next day, but my parents were in Loja and my mom decided to go to Faith Night. Here’s the funny part of the story. I THOUGHT Fabían’s name was Javier, so I described him to my mom and told her to look for a guy named Javier. Oops. Even with those hiccups, she found him and had an amazing, but short 10 minute conversation with him.

Here was the email I received a week later from Fabían:
The main thing that encourages me to write this is that I have heard that your mum has returned to the US, and it makes me sad the fact that I was not able to say her farewell, you might found a little odd what I am going to say but I got the feeling I would never forget what your mum has told me in on a, say, ten minutes length single conversation we were having a couple weeks ago, she told me about the Good News and helps me like only few people have done in the past to understand what God has done and what is He is keeping doing for everyone of us, I strongly think that the conversation I had with your mum will lead me in every single step and decision I would make in future regarding my life, because what she told me kind of opened my eyes, mind and spirit for a new whole adventure under God's eyes and care, that made me happy and I also got the feeling that God has a good plan for me, in the past I would never expect something like that but now that my soul has been alerted I am willing to hear every single word He will tell me and also to obey him with no doubts.

I set up a meeting time with him the next week and as we talked, it was as if the Lord was stirring his brain. I could see him thinking about the things I was saying and Jesus and a relationship with God. He told me that he was Catholic and that he thought he always would consider himself as such because of his family and his culture. I shared with him that Jesus cares very little about the titles we put on ourselves but more on what we believe and our relationship with him. I was able to give him a book that Colin recently bought in Quito called, “Tu Fe” (called Choosing Your Faith by Mark Mittelberg in English). The next day he came to the shop to meet up with Steven and he told me that it was a perfect book for him in discovering his Faith. He was already on page 87!
“I planted the seed, Apollos watered it, but God made it grow. So neither he who plants nor he who waters is anything, but only God, who makes things grow.” – 1 Cor 3: 6-7 The conversation started with me to my mom to a book to Steven. Don’t ever forget that YOU have a part in the salvation of the people you love. You never know if you will be the one who will START the conversation or end it.
Love the tag team...

True Religion?

2009-04-25T11:02:00.005-06:00

"Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress..." When I read this verse the other day in James, it disturbed me. I thought to myself, am I not showing true religion because I don’t HAVE any orphans or widows in my life?
The other day as I was walking home from buying a bunch of stuff for the café, I came across a little old woman. (“Viejitos” – old people – like this man in this picture seem much older here than they do in the States). This woman particularly looked like she was having a rough time of it; she was so bent over due to osteoporosis, she might as well have been bent in half. In one hand she had a small bag of bread and in the other a little walking stick that was holding the majority of her weight. I, myself was carrying two large bags, but knew that this was the time. I stopped and asked her if she needed help. She gratefully took my hand and put all her weight on my arm. As we walked she talked about her family and many other things that I couldn’t understand due to a lack of teeth and a mutter.
My heart was broken that I couldn’t communicate with this woman, but I knew that for this day at this time, she was my true religion.
Walking home I thanked the Lord for giving me the opportunity to minister to someone in real need and then he reminded me: Orphans and widows don’t have to be physical, it could be emotional, spiritual or mental. This woman was a widow because she had no one to care for her. Others have family but no one who will truly care for them. Some orphans still have parents but have no one to show them the truth.
THIS is true religion: to take care of orphans and widows in their distress. Do not discount the orphans and widows in your life.

Blessing in the midst of heart ache...

2009-04-18T12:31:00.004-06:00

There have been many difficult things that have happened in the last couple weeks, but along with those things the Lord has brought many blessings. I would like to share one of those blessings with you today... may God receive all the glory for gift he has given me this past couple of weeks.
I'd like to tell you about Margoth. She is one of the girls who has been in my Bible study for almost a year. She comes from a very devout Catholic family and, when asked will quickly say she is a Catholic through and through. This past week as we were sitting down for Bible study she told me about a spiritual life class that she and the other girl in our group, Gabi have to take to graduate from the Catholic University they both attend. She was very flustered at the teacher because she used the terms "Catholic" and "Christian" interchangeably. So I asked her what were the differences that she saw between Catholic and Christian. Her explanation was very interesting...
Catholics pray to the saints, but she was quick to say that she didn't. She also said that Catholics believe that you can get to God through Mary, but she doesn't. She believes that you can only get to God through Jesus. "When everyone prays to Mary during Mass, I pray to Jesus because he's the real way to get to God."
I just smiled at these statements. I believe my little friend understands the gospel more than she thinks she does. Gabi and I explained to her that it is less about the title you give yourself and more about what you believe about Jesus, salvation and the Bible. We all know "Catholics" who don't practice their faith and know very little about what they believe AND we all know "Christians" who don't believe that Jesus is the only way to heaven and having a relationship with God. So give yourself whatever title you want, but who do you place your faith in is the real question.
Margoth is still thinking and processing, but I am convinced that many people are discipled BEFORE they come to Jesus as Savior.
There are many more blessing and people who are coming closer and closer to knowing Jesus, but I'll save those stories for another day. Please be praying for Margoth that she would truly understand the saving power of Jesus Christ.

Up a creek without a paddle

2009-04-08T21:49:00.002-06:00

This past weekend ended with tears and frustration for me. As the weekend came to the end, I was hit with new information that I would be short a full time worker during a month that all the missionaries that I depend on are out of town. That day I also got sick with a nasty cold, but because I was short a person, I had no choice but to work. I laid in bed on Monday night crying out to the Lord... I'm sick, I'm short staffed and I don't know what I'm doing. I am up a creek without a paddle and I feel like I am drowning!
It was as if the Lord wrapped his arms around me and said, "This is the time that my strength is being made perfect in your weakness." I have not felt this weak for a long time and I don't like it. But the Lord continued and said, "Am I all powerful? Do you trust me?" Through the tears all I could manage was a whispered "yes."
Tuesday morning, the Lord spoke to me, "Consider it pure joy, my brothers whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask god who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him."
I am still up a creek without a paddle... not a single trial has changed. But I am choosing to trust the One who knows made the creek.

Gotta love the short term team...

2009-03-26T20:53:00.003-06:00

There are some people who say short term teams are useless... especially high school short term teams. I LOVE THEM! And not just because it's how I got into missions 13 years ago, but also because of examples like this...
There is a short term team here of 7 high school kids and about 6 adults. Yesterday they helped out with the English ministry at the cafe. They were split up into groups with the Ecuadorians and asked to share their testimony. I was not in one of these groups but heard about how awesome it was from one of my volunteers. Her name is Melissa. Melissa is amazing. She is my little god-send who has been helping out every day for almost a month and is seeking. After the group time, she came up to me and raved about how wonderful her group was because of a guy name Jace. She said to me, "He understands my story. He's been there. He was telling me about God and how God understands." Both Jace and Melissa have had to grow up quicker than normal due to divorced parents and non-supportive fathers.
For the past four weeks, I have gotten to see Melissa grow closer to coming to know the Lord. It all started with Nicole asking her to help out as a volunteer at El Sendero and walking with her through the process of becoming one. Then I got to see Steven, a fellow short termer invest into her life and see her begin to ask questions. Then Susi, one of our employees invited her to church and Carolynn invited her to youth group. And now Jace met her where she is with her family situation. She felt understood and cared for because of this kid's story. I love how the Lord does not use ONE person to bring someone to himself... he uses a whole host of people. I can't wait to tell you that the last piece of the puzzle has been put into place. Until then, keep praying that the Lord would draw Melissa to himself!

What happens when you can't breathe...

2009-03-21T11:31:00.004-06:00

The moment of sheer panic hits and all of the sudden it feels like air won’t enter your lungs quite as easily. You tell yourself and everyone around that you’re fine, but your mind is going 100 miles a minute trying to figure out how to fix the situation. Your mouth says, “It’ll be fine. I’ll just trust God.” But as your mind reels, it screams, “You’re SCREWED!!!”
Yeah this is what happened to me a couple weeks ago. I knew that my friend Helene was leaving for Germany and that my friend Carolynn would be leaving for Australia the first part of April, but then I found out that Colin was going to be out all of April for surgery. And a few days later I realized that John would be out of the country for 3 weeks in the month of April. ‘Huh.’ I thought to myself. ‘This isn’t good. All my consistent help in El Sendero is going to be gone starting April 1st.’ The real hyperventilation came when Paul, one of my most trusted and faithful volunteers told me that his schedule was changing from being able to be at the coffee shop almost every evening to 2 nights a week… and in several months he’s not going to be able to help out during the week at all.
You know in your heart that God can provide but your heads looks at the facts. I am so grateful that God likes to do the impossible.
So its not that any of the above has changed… not one single bit. But the Lord has done something else, brought other people. In walks Melissa. Melissa is a 17 year old teenager learning English. She is in between high school and college and just wants to practice her English. She’s got a lot of time on her hands, so for the past 2 weeks has come in every evening. Not only is she a huge blessing, but has been asking questions and willing to discuss things of the Lord!
But it doesn’t stop there… a girl from Canada has quickly and randomly decided to come and help out in the English ministry and coffee shop starting mid-April. On top of all of that, the Lord is providing more volunteers than we know what to do with. And not just people who come once and never come again… people who want to be apart of our team and our family.
In the moments I can’t breathe, I have to remind myself of Psalm 13:5-6 “BUT (when all else is going to crap) I trust in your unfailing love; my heart rejoices in your salvation. I will sing to the Lord, for he HAS BEEN GOOD TO ME!!!” (emphasis mine).

No pants... no problem.

2009-03-17T11:51:00.003-06:00

An older sister with her little brother in tow, crying as usual and all she wants to do is get home. She doesn’t have time for his antics and charades. It’s not until a man calls out to her that she relizes the reason for the boy’s tears. He is unable to walk any faster due to his pants wrapped around his ankles. I couldn’t help but laugh.
But this wasn’t the only kid that caught my attention this week. When I went to church on Sunday I wasn’t greeted by a finely dressed woman, instead I was greeted by the hand of a little 6-year old girl, “Benvenidos!” (welcome!). I don’t care who you are, that will put a smile on your face. And as I was sitting through worship I noticed another little girl getting ready to go off to Sunday school. Before she skipped off, she looked up to her mother and asked for an offering. Her mom gave her eleven cents and said, “That’s a lot of money” and shoed her off to Sunday school…
The simplicity of a child. Their biggest problem: no pants. Their greatest joy: greeting on Sunday morning. And their biggest offering: eleven cents, because its all they have. Some days I do wish I could go back to that age and see life for the simple things. Instead of complaining about the things I cannot change, rejoicing in how the Lord has blessed me. Instead of looking at what I do not have, giving thanks for the people God has put in my life. I want to stop looking at life through the eyes of impossibilities and look at life through the eyes of a child: God can do ANYTHING!

It's about that time to tell my story...

2009-03-11T21:29:00.003-06:00

Yesterday sitting in the cafe I got to meet this really cool girl, Sarah from the States, working with OMS doing a video about the ministry opportunities in Ecuador. As she shared her story with me about how God brought her to the place of doing missions (something she SWORE she would NEVER do), I thought about my own story.
I love my story because its mine. It's bizarre and I have done a lot of things that I told God that I would NEVER do. If you haven't heard my story, I think its about time that you hear it. (If you have, feel free to get a refresher or skip this blog... up to you :)).
My parents have been youth pastors since before I was born, so i think I was born being a 17 year old, or at least hanging around them. I became a Christian sitting on the toilet when I was 5 years old (long story... if you wanna know, you gotta ask) and I think the first person I ever shared Jesus with was a little girl on a beach in California when I was 6. That started a love for sharing Jesus with people (spurred on by my mother and her passion for sharing the gospel).
As I got a bit older, church became "the thing you do." I was the last one at church every Sunday because I had no choice. When I was 15 years old I went to visit my non-christian cousin. As we sat on the beach in New Jersey, we talked about life, love and eventually about God, she told me, "You don't have to do this." And I said, "Do what?" She responded with words that cut me to my core, "This Christian thing. It's your parents' religion, not yours."
From that moment on I realized it was time to make a choice, was this going to be my parents' religion or my relationship? I chose the later and began going on mission trips, investing into my friends and really living for Jesus. I think I was 17 when I first decided that I was going to be a missionary. My dad's intern, Kelly was a big drawing factor in all of this. She had given up the comfy life in Colorado to travel to the Philippines and be a missionary. 'This is what I want to do.' I thought.
As you will hear many times in my story, God had a different plan, but I was too stubborn to recognize it. So I thought at 18 I was going to head off to the Philippines, but then I thought better of it and decided to go to Moody Bible Institute to study missions. Everyone told me I was a shoe-in and as usual God had other plans. I ended up in Lagrange, Wyoming (population 350)at Frontier School of the Bible (population 100). A place I swore I would NEVER end up.
I was still dead set on doing missions and completely ANTI-youth. But as usual, God had different plans and I started working with a youth group in Chugwater, Wyo (population 200... or so). God used those kids to break my heart for youth and see that no matter how much I fight it, THAT was where I was supposed to be.
After that, I had the opportunity to go to Dallas and help out some good friends, Oscar and Jen with their youth at Prince of Peace. God continually reinforced my desire and I changed my major to youth ministry.
Through many tears, I gave over my hearts desire to do missions to the Lord. But thank God that his plans aren't mine because through the next 4 years I got the chance to take those kids to several different countries and expose them to missions. So I thought that was it... push my youth towards missions.
Again, that wasn't God's plan. Through a series of events, I was getting out of youth ministry and had no idea where to go next, so I made the logical choice and got a job at Starbucks. During this time the Lord worked in me through a type of cafe ministry... hang out and talk to people about Jesus. I LOVED it.
So I thought why not just make a job out of this?? I searched and searched but didn't find anything that fit what I wanted to do, so I gave up. I remember sitting in my friend's living room saying, "I don't think God has a plan for my life. I think he's just going to kill me and be done with it." (Yes, I can be a bit dramatic). Through tears I handed my dreams (again) to the Lord.
Not a week later my dad calls me and tells me that he found a ministry on the SIM website that I might be interested in. I thought to myself, 'Yeah right it won't be what I want.' But I agreed to look into it. In the job description it said, "Looking for someone with a heart for evangelism (check), experience with youth (check); we are a coffee shop outreach to university students (check check!!)." So last year I ended up here in Loja Ecuador working with University students and just loving people to Jesus.
Since then my job description has changed a bit and I am currently the manager of El Sendero. I never would have guessed God would have brought me to this place... not in a million years. But here I am, in the center of his will. And to be honest, I can't wait to see what's next. You know why? Because God's plans are not my plans and for that I am truly thankful!!!

Sucked in...

2009-03-07T22:12:00.001-07:00

As most of you know things around El Sendero look a bit different than they did last year. Walking into the coffee shop last year, you would have seen about 4 or 5 foreigners from 3 different countries helping out all the time. Now you will see 1, maybe 2 foreigners (one being me!) and the rest Ecuadorian. Here’s the fun part: most all of them are volunteers with outside jobs, school and lives, but they choose to come in and help us out. Some want to practice English, other want to hear more about why we’re here, but the majority are there because they like being with us!
Melissa is a new volunteer that just started today and she commented that it looks like everyone has a lot of fun and that they get along well. As I looked around I realized that this café has brought people who normally would not know each other together under one roof. In the mix we have our faithful two: Diego and Paul, who I am forever indebted to for their faithfulness to the café and to the ministry. Then we have a friend that we met in salsa class (Jose Pablo) added to a random guy (Paolo) who just came in by himself for a coffee and ended up becoming part of one of the local churches. Then throw in a couple high school girls, Ximena, I started a conversation with over 6 months ago and just comes in regularly to chat along with Melissa who got hooked up with us through the English ministry. Look at this! Look at what God is doing.
Some days I look at the café or the ministry and get frustrated at what we aren’t doing or what we could do better. But what I forget to do is praise God for what he IS doing and the people he IS bringing to us. So now we just keep praying that the Lord continually draws all these people closer to himself!